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to find the direction i need to live fully and grow spiritually, all i have to do is maintain contact with the God of my understanding. it sounds so simple, and yet, there are times, when i miss out, because i choose to make this so complicated. yes, i came to recovery lacking any spiritual direction, and yes, this whole spiritual gig has at times been quite the struggle for me. i have gone through phases where i was pissed off at the e POWER that keeps me clean, and there have been times when i took that POWER for granted, and yes there has even been times when i could not feel that presence in my life because i chose to walk away from it. and yet, despite all the various fluctuations in my spiritual path, i have retained the ability to not use just for today, so i guess that may mean that somehow my FAITH sustained me when my intellect failed me.
the real question is, where am i at today, right here and right now. well, i could take last night’s election results as a sign that what i know and what i feel are spot on. i am not the type that looks for signs to establish proof that i am on the right path, but sometimes, it is nice to get some validation that my efforts to establish and maintain a spiritual life is paying off. although i like to think that having the ability to choose to stay clean and see and do the next right thing is reward enough in and of itself, i know that as a human being, even i need to know that i am doing well, by seeing something more.
what i feel these days, is that the ends are no longer justify the means, and as i hold myself accountable to that train of thought, i am finding out that there are others who also need to be held accountable, if they are unwilling then perhaps it is time for them to step away. misrepresenting to one or one thousand people is still wrong, scale does not matter, at least in my view of the spiritual path that i have been set upon. honesty and integrity trumps ego and self-will all the time in my world view, and if there are obstacles popping up in pursuit of one of my goals, perhaps that is self-will and not GOD’s will after all. any or all of that is stuff that i need to pay attention to, so that i can be as one with the POWER that is the source of my recovery. mystic and cryptic as all of this may sound, it all boils down to one simple fact, am i doing what i need to do to stay connected, and is that connection becoming stronger or weaker? the answer to that question will be revealed in what happens across the course of my day, all i have to do is be present for it and move on. life is good today and i think i will do what i can to fi=oster my spiritual growth.

∞ DT ∞