Blog entry for:

to make the right decision, all of time, no matter how much i DESIRE to do so. not being a **GOD** kind of guy, this reading could be seen as evidence that perhaps i do not belong here in this twelve step fellowship. yes, one could certainly read it that way, or as i choose to do this morning, look at it as the means to allow myself to find the common ground between my spiritual path and that of the majority of my peers. a simple fact of life in my practice of a spiritual path, is that i am present for the opportunities i am presented each and every day, and when i CHOOSE to stop and allow myself a minute or so to “listen” before making a decisions, i often “feel” the guidance i need. that guidance may come from within, or may be inspired through the POWER that fuels my recovery, i have ceased to seek that distinction and live in the here and now, with what i know and what i feel. where once i was all over “looking for signs”, divine or otherwise, to assist with my decision-making process, today i have let that particular behavior go. i may not always know what the next correct decision is for me, but unfortunately, most of the time i know which are the “wrong” ones. with that background in mind, one may wonder where is the common ground?
i certainly believe that i am powerless over addiction and my daily reprieve from the insanity of active addiction, is granted to me from a POWER greater than i am, no matter what that POWER may look like. i also believe that if i take the time to move beyond my own selfish and self-centered desires, i can “hear” that POWER speaking to me through the events and people that comprise my daily existence. that is not that far off the path of my peers. i may not walk around in rapturous gratitude through the course of my day, but i certainly take stock of what is happening around me and alter my path accordingly. as i learned to let go of what things “should” look like and dismantle the structure of beliefs that separated me from my peers, i GOT to find my own path, after wandering through a spiritual desert. there were time in my journey where i envied those who could accept and adopt a path based on what they always “knew” and was sad that i could not. on this side of that journey, as i walk through each day, listening for the next right thing to do, i feel grateful for the struggle that brought me here. because of that struggle i can “own” what i have found, without hesitation or reservation, it is after all, mine. as i live that path, my decision-making become more aligned to what is correct and for the better good, rather than what i DESIRE for myself. there is little second-guessing and certainly no searching the heavens for “signs,” as the only sign i need, is what is put onto my hear, just for today.

∞ DT ∞