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so i am quite sure that my little seed may cause a WTF reaction from anyone who reads my stuff on a regular basis. it is true i started off this exercise with a value judgement on my behaviors. the fact is, i find that a simple way to jump into the notion that listening for the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery is a “positive” influence on how i walk through this world.the fact of the matter was that when i was in active addiction my impulses tended toward getting what was mine, what i believed i was entitled to have and anything i envied from my associates. i was the addict who stole dope from friends and spent hours helping them “look for it.”
learning how to temper those impulses and become a more socially acceptable version of myself, has been a long and twisted journey. when i finally came out from under the mountain of spiritual camouflage that i buried myself under, doing “service” to the fellowship, i saw that my service was all about getting praise and appearing to be more spiritual than i truly was allowing myself to be guided by my less “needy” aspects of who i was, became part of my daily life, slowly and surely. taking a breath and listening, before i respond, has become a task that is a whole lot easier than it ever was before. that does not make me by any measure a spiritual guru or giant, but it does, at least in my own mind, level the playing field between myself and those around me.
as i see the public reactions of some of the more vocal members of my community about how their peers voted, i am more than a bit disconcerted. i have been in the minority before and had to accept the “will” of the people, regardless of my personal opinions. i may have not cared for the result, but name calling, is not an activity i participated in, in the public forum. i still vehemently disagree with the member of Congress who represents me and have a very negative opinion about how well he represents the interest of this his district. i could quite easily go down that track and complain about that, instead i live with that decision and walk away, knowing full well that he will do and say something that will piss me off in the near future. the fact is, i am weary of the political strife and angst, so in my own way, i work towards reducing it, by accepting the outcome and altering my life to fit the new pattern. that comes from the practice of living a program of recovery. i do not fit my recovery to match my life, i change my life to fit my recovery journey, just for today.

∞ DT ∞