Blog entry for:

others to feel the hope and experience the freedom i have received in the loving arms of the fellowship that has given me this new manner in which to live. okay, i know that lead sounds more than a bit corny, especially coming from a cynic like myself. be that as it may, what i got when i arrived at the jumping off point to start my recovery, was not what i expected and that is a very good thing. what i expected was a life of slogging through my days in misery, having the desire to use every single day and feeling abused that i could not use, due to the consequences of my active addiction. i expected a few years clean before i decide i that it was time to use again. what i got, however, was a manner of living that allowed me the freedom to look beyond that next fix and into a future that was not as bleak as the life i was living. i can safely say, that if i had not got anything more than the removal of my desire to use, i would have been long gone.
sitting here, at work this morning, after a surprising easy drive into the office, i more than a bit of gratitude for what recovery has given me and for my peers listening to me whine and bitch, without telling me to STFU. i am more than a bit anxious about the results of the elections today and even though i have done my part, i still want to control the outcome. letting go and allowing myself the freedom to just be, may not rid me of that FEAR, but at least it will make it manageable. after pitching my work of the past day, into the bit bucket, i guess i have to sign-off and get back to where i was. it is a good day to take the time to care and listen, especially to myself.

∞ DT ∞