δ through working the Twelve Steps, i have found that faith in a POWER greater than myself helps relieve my fear. δ
Posted: Thu, Jan 15, 2009 08:25:13 AM
the more conscious i am of the care of a HIGHER POWER for me, the less i fear. fear versus FAITH, an excellent place for me this morning. it has already been one of those days where nothing is easy and if i was using, i would have already been wrecked. so it goes…
there was even times in my recovery when a day that started like this morning has would trigger a paralyzing FEAR that would drive back to bed, with the covers over my head and my phone turned off, as i waited anxiously for the other shoe to drop. there have also been times in my recovery, where i would have been sorely tempted to try and take control and fix all that is going wrong this morning with a sledgehammer instead of a screwdriver.
truthfully, both of those alternatives did cross my mind, and of course the voice of that part of me that i call addiction chimed in, noting that the very thoughts is evidence of a lapse in my program, hence i might as well…
and it is not even eight o’clock in the morning yet!
so what am i going to do? well for one, finish off this particular piece of random mind waves, run a nice long circuit, do a bit more work, and get a massage. but most of all, i am going to let go of the immediate past, and look on this as an opportunity to walk in FAITH and let my fear go somewhere else. i have enough recovery this morning to see, that bad as the events of the morning have been, they really are not that major in the grand scheme of things, nor even in the context of my life, they just are, and i can accept that computers do strange things at times, even unpredictable things and i am the one who superstitiously attaches a value judgment to those events.
where do i go from here? well i am grateful that i have a job that may be frustrating at what seems the wrong time. i am grateful i have a connection with a HIGHER POWER that provides for my needs. and i am grateful that i do have the FAITH to let go of my FEARS and move forward, it is after all, a great day to recover!
there was even times in my recovery when a day that started like this morning has would trigger a paralyzing FEAR that would drive back to bed, with the covers over my head and my phone turned off, as i waited anxiously for the other shoe to drop. there have also been times in my recovery, where i would have been sorely tempted to try and take control and fix all that is going wrong this morning with a sledgehammer instead of a screwdriver.
truthfully, both of those alternatives did cross my mind, and of course the voice of that part of me that i call addiction chimed in, noting that the very thoughts is evidence of a lapse in my program, hence i might as well…
and it is not even eight o’clock in the morning yet!
so what am i going to do? well for one, finish off this particular piece of random mind waves, run a nice long circuit, do a bit more work, and get a massage. but most of all, i am going to let go of the immediate past, and look on this as an opportunity to walk in FAITH and let my fear go somewhere else. i have enough recovery this morning to see, that bad as the events of the morning have been, they really are not that major in the grand scheme of things, nor even in the context of my life, they just are, and i can accept that computers do strange things at times, even unpredictable things and i am the one who superstitiously attaches a value judgment to those events.
where do i go from here? well i am grateful that i have a job that may be frustrating at what seems the wrong time. i am grateful i have a connection with a HIGHER POWER that provides for my needs. and i am grateful that i do have the FAITH to let go of my FEARS and move forward, it is after all, a great day to recover!
∞ DT ∞