Blog entry for:

refusing the care of the HIGHER POWER of my understanding.
so here is sit doing a quick cigar and dealing with the results of self-will, once again. well not really, what i am dealing with today is the FEAR of surrendering my will and my life into the care of that HIGHER POWER. a slight lapse, and one that is recoverable, but it has been a pattern in my daily inventories that i have not been working, much less living a third step on a daily basis. so the reading today was a quick dip into the freezing pool of reality. so after pulling myself panting from the freezing dose i see what is really going on. yes i ran from a meeting last night because of the lies i was telling myself about the current state of my spiritual condition. and lies they were, what was really happening was what i am writing about this morning, FEAR! why am i afraid of surrendering my will and my life into that care? well it certainly is not lack of evidence of results, the evidence when i give it up, things go much better than when i take control. what is going on is the misinterpretation of that evidence, some how i got the notion that it is my will that is producing such stunning results. the truth of the matter is that i have very little to do with that, it is not my will, but rather my willingness and open-mindedness that is producing those results via a POWER MUCH GREATER THAN ME!
and with the revelation of that little fact, my path is clear -- let go, do what is in front of me today, and allow my HIGHER POWER to do what it needs to do -- fix the results of my self-will.
can i do that today? well i will do my level best to let go fo my will and my life and see what happens!
life is after all way too short to be fucking it up when i have an easier simpler way to go.

∞ DT ∞