Blog entry for:
Fri, Jan 15, 2010 07:56:45 AM
∫ living on self-will is frightening, unmanageable ∫
posted: Fri, Jan 15, 2010 07:56:45 AM
in recovery, i have turned my will and my life safely over to the care of a HIGHER POWER. most of the time anyhow. to do so 100% of the time is a skill i am still learning to apply. what keeps me from being 100% at the whole turning my will and life over gig? FEAR of course! even though there is ample evidence in my recovery and active addiction that i do not always know what is nest for me. even though there is ample evidence that SOMETHING has been protecting me from my own lunacy. even though there is ample evidence that i GET what i NEED on a daily basis, i am still reluctant to let go at times and live in FAITH. whether that reluctance is the result of being human or being an addict is irrelevant, it is what it is. the nice part is recently i have been given the opportunity to see the results of living on self-will. there are a few living examples that are currently part of my daily life, and the amazing thing is they are so obtuse to the insanity and chaos that they create in living the way they are, when i see them, i look to my program and my life to see if i too, am living in the delusion of self-will run riot. what i discover is far from shocking, it may be more subtle, the effect on my life lass obvious, but there it is nevertheless, out in plain sight for everyone but me to see!
i could allow myself to be ashamed of such behavior, beating myself up for knowing better, and i do! or i can ignore and minimize what i find, sweeping it back under the carpet, which i also do. OR i can acknowledge, that yes i am insane, yes i am living in self-will because i am afraid to allow a HIGHER POWER to work in my life, take a deep breath and move back into the FAITH necessary to live in the Third Step. i am sure if i sat down and really concentrated i could come up with more alternatives, but once again my time has slipped away and i need to get out into the streets.
so i will sign-off with the HOPE that FAITH will replace FEAR in my life today and i will walk the path of surrender that living a THIRD STEP requires.
i could allow myself to be ashamed of such behavior, beating myself up for knowing better, and i do! or i can ignore and minimize what i find, sweeping it back under the carpet, which i also do. OR i can acknowledge, that yes i am insane, yes i am living in self-will because i am afraid to allow a HIGHER POWER to work in my life, take a deep breath and move back into the FAITH necessary to live in the Third Step. i am sure if i sat down and really concentrated i could come up with more alternatives, but once again my time has slipped away and i need to get out into the streets.
so i will sign-off with the HOPE that FAITH will replace FEAR in my life today and i will walk the path of surrender that living a THIRD STEP requires.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
↔ overcoming my fear of life ↔ 384 words ➥ Saturday, January 15, 2005 by: donnot∞ when i lapse in my program, i begin to take control of my own life again, ∞ 365 words ➥ Monday, January 15, 2007 by: donnot
∞ when i feel afraid, i ask myself, ** is this fear an indication of a lack of faith in my life? … 555 words ➥ Tuesday, January 15, 2008 by: donnot
δ through working the Twelve Steps, i have found that faith in a POWER greater than myself helps relieve my fear. δ 413 words ➥ Thursday, January 15, 2009 by: donnot
¤ as i have grown to feel comfortable with a HIGHER POWER as a source of strength, ¤ 724 words ➥ Saturday, January 15, 2011 by: donnot
… i will rely on the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery … 656 words ➥ Sunday, January 15, 2012 by: donnot
⊕ when i lapse in my program, i begin to take control ⊕ 554 words ➥ Tuesday, January 15, 2013 by: donnot
ξ in recovery, i turn my will and my life safely over ξ 655 words ➥ Wednesday, January 15, 2014 by: donnot
¿ is FEAR an indication … 515 words ➥ Thursday, January 15, 2015 by: donnot
✦ FEAR ✧ 546 words ➥ Friday, January 15, 2016 by: donnot
❢ growing to feel ❢ 762 words ➥ Sunday, January 15, 2017 by: donnot
🌮 learning to overcome 🌭 678 words ➥ Monday, January 15, 2018 by: donnot
🌋 self-will is a 🌄 637 words ➥ Tuesday, January 15, 2019 by: donnot
😨 overcoming my fear 😬 426 words ➥ Wednesday, January 15, 2020 by: donnot
😕 overwhelmed 😟 619 words ➥ Friday, January 15, 2021 by: donnot
😇 living on 😈 463 words ➥ Saturday, January 15, 2022 by: donnot
🤔 an indication 🤔 589 words ➥ Sunday, January 15, 2023 by: donnot
≠ practicing equality ≠ 383 words ➥ Monday, January 15, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 2
3) Therefore the sage is (like) a square which cuts no one (with its
angles); (like) a corner which injures no one (with its sharpness).
He is straightforward, but allows himself no license; he is bright,
but does not dazzle.