Blog entry for:

...i notice that i am not doing what i need to do to maintain my recovery. either i renew my commitment to recovery, or i continue being too busy to recover until something happens and my life becomes unmanageable. life happens, and it is quite true, at least for me, that as i get more time, life seems to happen more and more. the irony of this reading, is that my sponsor and i were actually sitting down going over my step work, and this very topic came up. well not this exact topic, but close enough for government work, such as it is.
what the driving force behind the discussion of this topic is my transition from step 10 to step 11. more importantly, how to use the tenth step as a tool to keep on the path i have set for myself, or perhaps if i am feeling especially mystical today, was strongly given the choice to walk upon.
so although when i get to this reading and ones that are similar in the annual cycle of JFT, i feel like they are preaching to the choir, after all, i have been to two meetings this week, worked with my sponse, worked or spoke to more than one sponsee, actively worked my steps, so how could this possibly apply to me?
and when that though enters my head, i look to my object lessons of what happens to addicts in recovery who are not actively working a program with the direction of a sponsor. it is my opinion, that they also believe that things are good in their life, that they are committed to recovery and are actually growing. for me to judge whether or not that it is the case is not what i am about this morning, i can however judge whether or not i want to behave in the manner i have observed, and if the answer to that question is NO, then do what they do not do.
what i hear from this reading, is today, i may be working a program, but am i applying the principle of open-mindedness? am i being teachable? can i accept direction today? for me, that seems to be the question, when i feel like i am already doing the gig, then i have adopted an attitude of **I KNOW**, and then i am spinning off in directions that may not have pleasant conclusions, and com,es with consequences that are unacceptable to me.
so what i take away from this session this morning, is that for me, i need to look at what i am thinking and feeling instead of the actions i take on a daily basis, i need to be PRESENT rather than COMPLACENT, and continue to take direction from whatever source it comes from.
well maybe not, but at least examine that direction before dismissing it out of hand. so off to the streets to work off some calories and stress, it is a good day to be in recovery.

∞ DT ∞