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enough energy into maintaining the foundation on which my life is built or am i too busy to take care of this? alright, i do have to admit it, i am not one of those who goes to **lots of meetings.** i am not one of those who shares just to hear the sound of my own voice or keeps a room hostage because i am getting a laugh or two. as a result two or three regularly scheduled meetings a week, is all i actually show up[ for, the same two or three, but two or three nevertheless. i very rarely share at meetings these days, as i have learned that most of the time, what i have to say, is really for me and not for the new guy. i tire of meetings that are filled with self-congratulatory, self-absorbed, self-entitled people, who really do not seem to give two whits about whether or not they will stay clean for another day. as a result, i currently find myself in the curious position of shopping for a new meeting to replace one of my standard three, as one of them is rising to the point of being intolerable to me. what this week will bring, could be interesting and i will see what the results may be.
i can say this though; “i have never quit the fellowship” and have always been fairly consistent in my meeting attendance, even when it was just for show and i was just fronting recovery. in those days, it was all about “looking good” and these days it is about feeling better. the unfortunate part of my recovery, is that i put a great deal of weight on results, and if i am leaving a meeting feeling worse than when i walked in, week after week, i need to figure out what the fVck the problem happens to be. it certainly is never the facility, even though it could be too hot or too cold and i whine about it. it is not likely to be those who showed up, even if they are on the “druggie buggie,” which i have been known to whine about as well. no i know where the problem is, and sometimes moving along to a different locale helps me to see what is that i found attractive about a meeting, way back when. today i am surrendering to the fact that i am the problem and seeking a solution. checking out a few different options, has worked in the past and cutting back is not an option that i choose to exercise these days.
the part i am most grateful for, is that i do have a choice to where i go to meetings at and i have the resources to travel outside of the little world that is my home town. on that note, i think i will do the next right thing, which is to shower off and head on out to work. it is a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞