Blog entry for:

what do i do at this point? well, i either renew my commitment to my recovery, or i continue being too busy to recover until something happens and my life becomes unmanageable. so although waiting until my life becomes unmanageable once again, or perhaps, it would be better put as, more unmanageable than it is on ordinary day.
so yes i am guilty as charged with letting work, tv, relaxation, family stuff, and just about any other constraint on my time interfere with my priority list. in fact, i was just talking to a sponsee about this the other day. i had to look at what i was telling him and see if this was a kettle black situation. fortunately for me, i am an assignment from my sponsor dealing with my seventh step and attending meetings. my goal was to get eighteen or so meetings in a very short period of time, my goal did not require a meeting a day, however i will fall short of that and only accomplish fourteen or maybe fifteen. and in the course of of attending all of those meetings and doing my current assignment has created a process in me that i have never felt before. what the end results of this particular process is, has now become irrelevant. i am growing a FAITH that no matter the end results, my job is to foster that process and pay attention to the changes that are being manifest in my life as a result.
yes i have been within a swirl of chaos on controversy the past 3 days, and no i do not expect that particular maelstrom to subside before Saturday, but that is all so irrelevant and in the big scheme of things i will be better off for it. it was my actions that touched off this particular storm, and for that i take responsibility. the question as to my motivations and my payoff has yet to be answered, but it is a good thing that i have a sponsor, who is quite capable of showing where i lack judgment and insight, especially into my myself. life is good on this cold and rainy day, and i do believe i will allow myself to recover, just for toady.

∞ DT ∞