Blog entry for:

happens and my life becomes even unmanageable and all i want to do is scream about the unfairness of it all. yes, i am more than guilty of doing just that, letting my recovery routine become anything but routine, especially in the area of my interactions with the fellowship in general, specifically meeting attendance and reaching out to the newest members. the plot of the story i tell myself in this regard is all about what i think i know about recovery and that i NEED time to do other activities in my life, and hanging with addicts in meetings, is not furthering my goals. ironically a year ago i was whining about a meeting i had attended on a very regular basis for several years. it was just not “working” for me any longer for all sorts of selfish reasons, not the least being that i judged those who were being brought in from the local treatment facilities as not being serious about their recovery. who really was the loser in that equation? it certainly was not those that i judged, they went on with their lives and treatment activities, whether or not i was there. it probably was not my peers in the local fellowship, as they seemed to find the value of supporting that meeting. those who felt as i did? well they started another meeting, where the “focus” was more on staying clean, rather than getting clean. what did i do? well i stopped going to any meeting on Tuesday night, so i could play the “Switzerland” card, totally neutral, nice work when i can get it.
how did my little fit of “pique” work for me? ironically, better than i could have imagined, i started attending a meeting out of town, which takes planning for me to attend and got a different take on what my recovery could look like. now that my Tuesday evenings are “free” i will get to pick up a new activity, that is not recovery related, as i am considering starting a Tai Ch'i class with my newish found freedom, which is once again a gift of my recovery. what i have discovered is that for me, it is important to find a place where i fit in, even when i have top drive for the better part of an hour to get there. for me, to reboot my passion for my recovery, i NEED to sometimes replace what is not working, with something that just may work, even if it is a risky proposition and tripping off to s new meeting, is certainly risky bidness for me. time to make the donuts and i need a bit of go-go juice to make that happen. it is a great day to be active in my recovery process.

∞ DT ∞