โ at times i may get stuck in my recovery โฆ
Posted: Thu, Apr 30, 2009 08:43:22 AM
...unable, afraid, or unwilling to make the decisions i know i must make to move forward.
so this morning i see this on a couple of levels. the first and most glaring level is the object lessons that my HIGHER POWER has provided for me to gauge my recovery by. although the two members who come to mind have a vast difference in clean time, they both are **stuck** in their recovery, due to self-sponsorship. as i see them walk through life oblivious to the boogers that are streaming down their face, i must run to the mirror to make sure that i am not in the same dire straits. the mirror i use is the my current step work assignment from my sponsor and the tools i have picked up along the way. what make me think they are self-sponsoring? well for one, the way they always divert the direct questions: "have you spoken to your sponsor about this? what step are you working on with your sponsor?"
this morning, however, all that stuff about others, for me, is a reminder that i too, can and have walked that same path, believing that somehow i achieved a state of grace that set me apart from the other members of this fellowship. although i have been there, and although it almost killed me, i was oblivious to the danger i was putting myself in, and had the feeling that GOD would provide for me, no matter how idiotic mt decision-making process was at that time. trust me, what i thought was sanity was the worse sort of self-willed insanity i have ever witnessed.
so there are more than enough places in my current life where i am trying to live by default, hoping that GOD will take care of what i am unable to take care of myself. the reading reminds me, that this may happen, and that this may be considered a gift when it occurs, and truthfully, in my experience it has been, although at the time it felt like the worst thing that could have happened to me. there is a bit of power i can exercise in my life today, if i choose to be present for what is going on, within me as well as around me, i can make decisions that help me move forward, out of whatever flavor of pain i happen to be mired in. it is up to me to choose to sink into the tar pit of decision-making by default and its attendant consequences, or to move forward by seeing the tar pit and avoiding it all together. being present for what is and what is not working in my life, is my task. through that filter i can accept the power that is being offered and make decisions accordingly, with their attendant consequences.
so the decision i make right now? hit the streets running and see what i can get done for myself and my clients today. it is after all, another good day to accept the power that GOD gives me and move on.
so this morning i see this on a couple of levels. the first and most glaring level is the object lessons that my HIGHER POWER has provided for me to gauge my recovery by. although the two members who come to mind have a vast difference in clean time, they both are **stuck** in their recovery, due to self-sponsorship. as i see them walk through life oblivious to the boogers that are streaming down their face, i must run to the mirror to make sure that i am not in the same dire straits. the mirror i use is the my current step work assignment from my sponsor and the tools i have picked up along the way. what make me think they are self-sponsoring? well for one, the way they always divert the direct questions: "have you spoken to your sponsor about this? what step are you working on with your sponsor?"
this morning, however, all that stuff about others, for me, is a reminder that i too, can and have walked that same path, believing that somehow i achieved a state of grace that set me apart from the other members of this fellowship. although i have been there, and although it almost killed me, i was oblivious to the danger i was putting myself in, and had the feeling that GOD would provide for me, no matter how idiotic mt decision-making process was at that time. trust me, what i thought was sanity was the worse sort of self-willed insanity i have ever witnessed.
so there are more than enough places in my current life where i am trying to live by default, hoping that GOD will take care of what i am unable to take care of myself. the reading reminds me, that this may happen, and that this may be considered a gift when it occurs, and truthfully, in my experience it has been, although at the time it felt like the worst thing that could have happened to me. there is a bit of power i can exercise in my life today, if i choose to be present for what is going on, within me as well as around me, i can make decisions that help me move forward, out of whatever flavor of pain i happen to be mired in. it is up to me to choose to sink into the tar pit of decision-making by default and its attendant consequences, or to move forward by seeing the tar pit and avoiding it all together. being present for what is and what is not working in my life, is my task. through that filter i can accept the power that is being offered and make decisions accordingly, with their attendant consequences.
so the decision i make right now? hit the streets running and see what i can get done for myself and my clients today. it is after all, another good day to accept the power that GOD gives me and move on.
∞ DT ∞