โ unwilling to make the decisions i know i must make to move forward โ
Posted: Sun, Apr 30, 2006 08:29:06 AM
well, i have had the first practical application of this reading in my life lately, in fact i am at the end of my second month after GOD made a decision for me and doing quite well. the irony of this is not lost on me at all, as the set of steps i am currently stalled on is about decision-making.
truthfully i am uncomfortable with choice. i may scream at the top of my lungs when i am forced to do something or i feel a decision is crammed down my throat, but the reality is that i am much more comfortable when someone or something else makes a decision for me. and that simple statement is the crux of what keeps me from moving forward under my own steam. i like to have someone to blame if the decision i had made for me goes awry, then i can move forward in a reactive manner, nursing a resentment, feeding my self-pity and providing more evidence that this whole recovery gig does not work.
so, you may ask what decision has been made for me lately? well GOD gave me the boot out the door of a job that i had worked at for nearly twelve years. i really was not happy there and felt dissatisfied and unchallenged by the tasks i was paid to perform. and yet i hung on, unwilling to look for a new direction in my career after completing my degree. i just was so comfortable that i clung to my old job with tenacity and ferocity, whining about how bored i was to anyone who cared to listen. now i am working for myself and learning how to deal with the challenges that face me in that prospect -- time management, taking on too many tasks, and trying to make a buck while maintaining my recovery. and you know what, i may whine and moan about being thrust forward into this new method of providing my daily bread, but i am happier and more satisfies than i have been for quite a while and that is worth the momentary feeling of discomfort i felt all those sixty or so days ago. GOD did for me what i was unwilling or unable to do for myself and i am more than satisfied with the results! how about that! anyway off to the airport for a return to my new life and to catch-up with all the projects languishing on my desk, that were abandoned for service. life is good this morning!
truthfully i am uncomfortable with choice. i may scream at the top of my lungs when i am forced to do something or i feel a decision is crammed down my throat, but the reality is that i am much more comfortable when someone or something else makes a decision for me. and that simple statement is the crux of what keeps me from moving forward under my own steam. i like to have someone to blame if the decision i had made for me goes awry, then i can move forward in a reactive manner, nursing a resentment, feeding my self-pity and providing more evidence that this whole recovery gig does not work.
so, you may ask what decision has been made for me lately? well GOD gave me the boot out the door of a job that i had worked at for nearly twelve years. i really was not happy there and felt dissatisfied and unchallenged by the tasks i was paid to perform. and yet i hung on, unwilling to look for a new direction in my career after completing my degree. i just was so comfortable that i clung to my old job with tenacity and ferocity, whining about how bored i was to anyone who cared to listen. now i am working for myself and learning how to deal with the challenges that face me in that prospect -- time management, taking on too many tasks, and trying to make a buck while maintaining my recovery. and you know what, i may whine and moan about being thrust forward into this new method of providing my daily bread, but i am happier and more satisfies than i have been for quite a while and that is worth the momentary feeling of discomfort i felt all those sixty or so days ago. GOD did for me what i was unwilling or unable to do for myself and i am more than satisfied with the results! how about that! anyway off to the airport for a return to my new life and to catch-up with all the projects languishing on my desk, that were abandoned for service. life is good this morning!
∞ DT ∞