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unexpected change may occur in precisely the area i feel unable to alter. for me, this feels like one of the most disturbing readings that has come down the pike, in a very long time. it implies that when i choose not to move forward in my life, a loving POWER will step up and arrange events to force me to MOVE FORWARD, WHETHER OR NOT I LIKE IT OR NOT. i know many of my peers are more than comfortable with this notion, and i certainly respect them for living what they believe. for me, i feel that when i get to this point in my life, where i need to rely on divine intervention to move forward, i was snoozing and not paying attention to what was going on.
i have been there before, and if i start to slip back into the complacency of believing that i DO NOT have any power over anything in my life, i will return to that place. you see, part of having to rely on a POWER that fuels my recovery to force me into action, comes from the notion that i am POWERLESS over just about everything in my life and around me. the actual truth, at least in my eyes, is there many aspects of my daily living, where i certainly do have power, and my failure to exercise that power, allows me to play the victim to the circumstances of daily living.
yes, you read that correctly, hiding behind the cloak of powerlessness, allows me to be a victim, and reduce the responsibility i NEED to take for my life. the steps tell me i am powerless over addiction. reality shows me that there are many other things i am powerless over, as well. as active addiction demonstrated, i am far from powerless over other people and my own feelings. consciously or unconsciously, i still attempt to exert power over those two areas of my life as well. recovery teaches me that try as i may, the power i exercise there, may not provide the results i am seeking, that too is part of life in the real world. so instead of manipulating, bullying, flattering or pleasing others to abide to my will, i let it go and see what happens. instead of altering the way i am feeling, i let it go, feel what i need to feel and live with the consequences. the rest of my life? well i do my best to be awake and paying attention for the opportunities to move forward. that includes my career, my recovery, my physical fitness and social life. i refuse to volunteer for victim-hood any more, be it at the “hands” of the POWER that fuels my recovery, life in general, or my own lack of desire to do what i need toi do today.
yes GOD will do for me, what i will not or cannot do for myself. the choice is there for me to CHOOSE to do what i can for myself and allow that POWER, to care for my will and my life, in those instances where i cannot. speaking of which, i CAN end this here, grab a shower and head on over to work. windy and cool, it is still a great day to wake up and smell the spiritual coffee, as i am sure that if i pay attention, the next right thing will be revealed to me.

∞ DT ∞