โ i sometimes allow myself to become stuck in the problem โ
Posted: Mon, Apr 30, 2007 07:43:07 AM
instead of moving forward toward the solution. at these times, i often find that my HIGHER POWER does for me what i cannot do for myself.
HOWEVER, and it is really a big one, i often find the results of allowing a decision to be made by another force of will less than satisfactory at first. one of the decisions i look at on a daily basis is whether i am truly content living my life by default. although none of things that my HIGHER POWER has taken care of for me, ended-up being contrary to what i really wanted (read my true will here) they felt contrary to what i wanted at that time (self-will)! the reading is not speaking of true will vs self-will, no what the reading speaks to me about is allowing a HIGHER POWER to care for my will and my life. yes, i like to believe that i can make all the decisions that i need to make in a single day, and take action based on what is really good for me. i do know that i am incapable of making consistently good decisions and that is not the real deal here. i also know that when i allow myself to return to the patterns of my active addiction, i try and live my life by default, allowing decisions to be made for me, so that i can blame the less than desirable outcome on something other than myself. the reading is not talking about those cases either. there have been times in my recovery when i was so paralyzed by FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and DOUBT, that i remained in unhealthy situations long after i should have left. you know the comfortable place of familiar pain versus the uncomfortable feeling of risk. that was the situation fourteen months ago. i was very unhappy working where i was working and yet i did the very bare minimum to secure a position more to my liking. so what happened? well i did not make the move, i continued to whine to my friends and sponsor how much i hated that situation and then i was presented with a layoff. well actually it was a cut in hours to a half time position, i morphed that opportunity into a layoff and the jumping off point for working for myself. and here i sit wondering why i was so afraid to make that move myself. my HIGHER POWER freed me from the decision and i get to make a salary i alaways wanted to make and have a dream job. i was provided with what i needed even though i did not believe that was what i wanted. and so it has been throughout my recovery, from the day when i was started on the road to abstinece right up until today. all i have tyto do is listen to what is going on and i get taken care of. yes i really do like being my own person and deciding things for myself, BUT i can also allow a HIGHER POWER to care for my will and my life, and as i see it, there is no inherent conflict in that statement as long as i remember who is the junior partner in this relationship.
HOWEVER, and it is really a big one, i often find the results of allowing a decision to be made by another force of will less than satisfactory at first. one of the decisions i look at on a daily basis is whether i am truly content living my life by default. although none of things that my HIGHER POWER has taken care of for me, ended-up being contrary to what i really wanted (read my true will here) they felt contrary to what i wanted at that time (self-will)! the reading is not speaking of true will vs self-will, no what the reading speaks to me about is allowing a HIGHER POWER to care for my will and my life. yes, i like to believe that i can make all the decisions that i need to make in a single day, and take action based on what is really good for me. i do know that i am incapable of making consistently good decisions and that is not the real deal here. i also know that when i allow myself to return to the patterns of my active addiction, i try and live my life by default, allowing decisions to be made for me, so that i can blame the less than desirable outcome on something other than myself. the reading is not talking about those cases either. there have been times in my recovery when i was so paralyzed by FEAR, UNCERTAINTY and DOUBT, that i remained in unhealthy situations long after i should have left. you know the comfortable place of familiar pain versus the uncomfortable feeling of risk. that was the situation fourteen months ago. i was very unhappy working where i was working and yet i did the very bare minimum to secure a position more to my liking. so what happened? well i did not make the move, i continued to whine to my friends and sponsor how much i hated that situation and then i was presented with a layoff. well actually it was a cut in hours to a half time position, i morphed that opportunity into a layoff and the jumping off point for working for myself. and here i sit wondering why i was so afraid to make that move myself. my HIGHER POWER freed me from the decision and i get to make a salary i alaways wanted to make and have a dream job. i was provided with what i needed even though i did not believe that was what i wanted. and so it has been throughout my recovery, from the day when i was started on the road to abstinece right up until today. all i have tyto do is listen to what is going on and i get taken care of. yes i really do like being my own person and deciding things for myself, BUT i can also allow a HIGHER POWER to care for my will and my life, and as i see it, there is no inherent conflict in that statement as long as i remember who is the junior partner in this relationship.
∞ DT ∞