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when my addiction was at its peak of activity, i was obviously in a great deal of pain. i relentlessly judged myself and others, and spent most of my time worrying or trying to control outcomes.
an likewise when my recovery is at is peak activity i also see symptoms of good spiritual and mental health, part of which has been over the past few days, to stop seeing those from whom i am learning object lessons as the objects themselves. yes i continue to evaluate their behavior, but the context has changed to is that behavior manifest in me, and if so, am i willing to surrender it into the care of a loving and caring HIGHER POWER? regardless of what i think or feel about those behaviors, the spiritual awakening of the past few days comes does to this simple question. although i do not purport to have an inside track to a HIGHER POWER’s will for me today, i do not what i am feeling, and what i am thinking and most distressingly of all how i am behaving in reaction to those thoughts and feelings. my choice today is to allow the SEVENTH STEP to work and listen with the ELEVENTH STEP and continue to parade around in self-will, controlling outcomes and forcing situation to meet my expectations. OR i can so as suggested and let go of the outcome, make my plans, set goals and do my best to be present for what is happening, leaving the end result to the POWERS that be, or continue trying to alter everything and everyone i happen to bump into to meet my feeble expectations.
so what does all of this have to do with me recognizing spiritual awakenings in myself and others? well i am not sure what is has to do with others, but for myself, what i see dawning is a new and different manner of looking at myself through the filter of the behaviors of other people in my life. no, not that old behavior of judging myself through the eyes of others, but a quick and simple test of how would i feel if i was treating someone with …
this may not seem like something that is earth-shattering or world moving to anyone but me. what it gives me is a way to move of my seething anger at those who should but just do not get it, and allows me to forgive them the awful sin of being human, as well as forgive myself of that same transgression. in the light of this new freedom, i can move forward into HOPE and out of the frustration that has been my constant companion over the past seven months or so. in fact the time has come to go hit the streets to get rid of some of the physical stress i have added over the past 24. i will close with this thought, my life and some of the people in it, may not meet my expectations, but this morning i can accept that it is the best it is, right here and right now.

∞ DT ∞