Blog entry for:

i may observe a tendency to think and act spontaneously, and a loss of interest in judging or interpreting the actions of anyone else.
of course i zoomed on to the two symptoms, i have the greatest desire to see manifest in my life. there could be two interpretations of that particular behavior. the first being that i want to be discount any spiritual awakening in my life, allowing the part of me i call the disease of addiction to separate me from the pack and cull myself from the herd of recovering addicts. if i decided to be sick today, i could certainly run with that idea, after all, i know how to beat myself up, i know how to be unique, and i know how to be as sick as i want to be. the other path is that of HOPE, looking for changes in how spontaneous i have become and how much i have been relieved of my need to judge, shows that this gig is working and can be used to foster my effort to walk the path of active recovery. now that i consider this idea, it may in and of itself just be another symptom of a spiritual awakening. recognizing the fork in the metaphorical road of my recovery journey has set me upon. like everything else in my life these days, i have a choice, well except the fact that i am and will continue to be an addict, that is reality, and i can accept that. from that staring point the road forks each and every day. i can choose to live as an addict in active recovery, OR i can choose to ignore the next right thing to do at my peril. while i do not think my relapse is imminent, there are things i can do today to make that less of a reality, among those things looking at how far i have come since starting this journey instead of looking at far i have to go and being grateful that i have been given the chance to make such choices.
okay, enough of the yippy-skippy crap, although that is really how i feel today, i am full of HOPE and have FAITH that today i can access the POWER i need to stay clean, no matter what happens over the next sixteen hours or so. i also feel that i have had and will continue to have spiritual awakenings, some deep and profound and some as simple as letting go of what i think NEEDS to happen in the course of my day today. so with that though in mind, and a little better organization to my thoughts, i think i will hit the shower and get some work done. life does give me the opportunity to enjoy this day, and recovery allows me to do so in a spiritual manner. so look out world here i come.

∞ DT ∞