Blog entry for:

...sometimes denying the gratification of some desires in order to fulfill more important long-term goals. okay, i am far more settled in this morning, than i was yesterday, and the subject matter of the reading is more in tune with what i wanted to hear. yes, i know i cannot always get what i want, but if i try sometimes, i just might find i get what i need.
so with that in mind, i see that learning patience is something that is is necessary for me to exist sanely or semi-sanely in the world around me. learning what and how to prioritize, is a part of learning to live with patience. and the biggest of all, sorting out what goals realistic goal and dreams from outright fantasies. in my own mind, those distinctions seem very subtle, but when i share them with my sponsor, or a peer, they often show me quite clearly what is a pipe dream, and what i can reasonably expect to accomplish, even those dreams that are beyond my means today, can be realistically fulfilled. after all, who had any clue that recovery would provide the the opportunity, the desire and the resources to finish a college education twenty years after i traded it way so i could continue to get high. if one had asked back in the day, i would have told you that a college degree was beyond my means and something i would never achieve. in active addiction, that was the truth. recovery allowed that dream to reawaken and allowed me to prioritize my resources to make it come true. if i continue down that that train of thought, home ownership, and building a loving relationship, and becoming a responsible and productive, were also beyond my ken in active addiction, and those have become part of my life in recovery. before i wander to far off track here, what my dreams and goals are, and whether or not they are realistic, all depends ion my spiritual fitness. yes, becoming a millionaire probably will not happen in my lifetime, unless i win the lottery, but i can continue to live a comfortable lifestyle, if i keep doing what i have been doing. the difference between those two while seemingly stark when put down on paper, so to speak, are really not that far apart when i look at them in my amazingly magnifying mind. one is pure fantasy, and one is a realistic goal, and if i chose to, i could probably come up with a dozen or more of similar pairings, however time is valuable, and to create such an inventory, while amusing, serves very little purpose in accomplishing what i wish to get done today. so instead i will just sign-off with this thought, patience, as i see it today, is a trait worth this addict’s time to learn and accept into his life.

∞ DT ∞