Blog entry for:

most important in my life, is certainly a mission i can be on today. delayed gratification is not a concept i came to recovery with, in any measure. it is not something i relished learning, but over the days that i have been clean, it is a concept i have come to accept, just like the other eighty percent of the human population. sitting here on a lazy day in Dublin, waiting to get out and about to see more of the city, i really do wonder how the fVck i got here. for someone, such as myself to travel to as many places as i have been, is incredible and a bit daunting. it is not as if i said i will save this much and then travel, i just have gone when the opportunity presented itself. that is not unlike how i live most of my life, being present in the here and now and taking the opportunities as they appear. i am far from unique in this, as many of my peers in recovery are world travelers as well.
moving on, on my TENTH STEP last night and again on my ELEVENTH this morning, i wondered if i was unkind to the very person i am taking extra steps to be respectful and attentive to. the answer to that concern was no i waas not, the taxi was there, it had room for four and my spouse and i along with another couple were ready to go back to our rooms and prepare to chill for the evening. the object of my concern was dithering in indecison when attention to the here and now was required. they waited until we were loading into the cab to come up and say they wished to come back with us. we loaded up and made them take a taxi by themselves, instead of waiting. what bubbled up from the depths this morning is that patience is one thing, enabling someone to live in tehir character defects is quite another. our guide was very clear about the choices and had they decided at the onset to return with us, i would have been more that willing to wait for the second cab. they volunteered to be left behind and i have no qualms about what happened and my reaction and response to that situation.
life is far too short for me to second guess myself at every drop of the hat. i know that today i can be a part of the group and pay attention to what is going on. i am glad we had the morning off and that my bout with COVID is abating. i did cave into my spouse and take a cold “remedy,” so perhaps i will feel well enough to thrive instead of just survive through another day in Dublin.

∞ DT ∞