โ the drugs i used, taught me that instant gratification โ
Posted: Fri, Jul 12, 2013 07:05:31 AM
was never more than a dose away. is it any wonder that i arrived in the rooms with next to no patience?
as i have run out of patience this morning, to sit down here, take a minute and really relax, before running off to Montana, i get what this is all about., after all, a friend, crossed a sh!tload of boundaries with me, because he could not get the instant gratification he was seeking. that friendship is on the rocks, because i choose to enforce those boundaries and will be making it very explicit what those boundaries are in the future. he is ticked off, because, unlike him, i know he is not going anywhere and there is NOTHING in his life right now, that requires my instant attention.
me, i want to get out on the road and be where i am sleeping already, and i have not even taken a shower yet! so it goes, i want, i need and it HAS TO BE NOW! even when dealing with the POWER that fuels my recovery, if the answer is not an immediate “yes,” i take it for a “no,” even though it may be a “not yet.” patience, like any of the myriad of other spiritual principles, does not be something i was born to, and even after a few days clean, i find it something that i need to practice, to achieve even the tiniest bit of skill at.
anyhow, i am itching to get rolling, so i will end up with this thought, that maybe, as i am on the road today, i can practice a bit more patience than i did yesterday and fins it in my heart to forgive those, who have yet to realize that they can practice some as well. this is a process, and as such the journey is the destination.
as i have run out of patience this morning, to sit down here, take a minute and really relax, before running off to Montana, i get what this is all about., after all, a friend, crossed a sh!tload of boundaries with me, because he could not get the instant gratification he was seeking. that friendship is on the rocks, because i choose to enforce those boundaries and will be making it very explicit what those boundaries are in the future. he is ticked off, because, unlike him, i know he is not going anywhere and there is NOTHING in his life right now, that requires my instant attention.
me, i want to get out on the road and be where i am sleeping already, and i have not even taken a shower yet! so it goes, i want, i need and it HAS TO BE NOW! even when dealing with the POWER that fuels my recovery, if the answer is not an immediate “yes,” i take it for a “no,” even though it may be a “not yet.” patience, like any of the myriad of other spiritual principles, does not be something i was born to, and even after a few days clean, i find it something that i need to practice, to achieve even the tiniest bit of skill at.
anyhow, i am itching to get rolling, so i will end up with this thought, that maybe, as i am on the road today, i can practice a bit more patience than i did yesterday and fins it in my heart to forgive those, who have yet to realize that they can practice some as well. this is a process, and as such the journey is the destination.
∞ DT ∞