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versus control, without a doubt is more than a bit of a slippery slope for me. this morning, as i sit here getting hammered about a mistake i made yesterday at work, i want to scream. in my attempt to be clever, i hosed my work in the upper environments, my boss and i still have not agreed on what i need to be saving, but as i test it this morning, i will know who is right and who is wrong. i did decide to buy a new computer yesterday and this morning i bought a new TV, neither of which were an emotional, i need to change how i feel, decision. although there is certainly a whole lot of me that wants to take control of the situation at work, i also know that what i did, by trying to trick the system into doing what i desired ⇛ control, hosed what happened downstream and now i have to own that consequence ⇛ responsibility.
looking at the fine line between where i own what i need to do and where i end up controlling all the facets of what is going on, leads to a few disturbing realizations. i love being correct and i love being able to control the outcome. most of the time, however, i am not correct and i have no control over the outcomes, in fact, as evidenced by my fVck up at work yesterday, being wrong, when i think i am right leads to all sorts of dangerous situations and throws me into a world of i “should have” known betters. as i move into today, i can carry with me the notion that although i need to be responsible, i also need to let go of outcomes i cannot control, which is mostly everything.it is a good day to be clean and one that i can allow myself to be responsible and to pay attention to when i am crossing into manipulation and taking control.

∞ DT ∞