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still gives me a **one-track** way of thinking; when i want something, often that is all i will think about.
WHEW, took a bit of linguistic manipulation to get that one to work. as i sit here on this Saturday morning, trying to feel my way towards the next right thing to do, i am pondering the nature of obsession and compulsion, and how it is still a part of my life. before i get rolling, this caveat:

1. the total obsession with the getting and using and finding ways and means to use more, has been gone and has been gone from me for quite some time.
2. the overpowering need to change my feelings and my perception of reality through behaviors, for example shopping, for the most part is also gone.
3. the expectation that all of my wants and needs be met, and the sense of resentment and entitlement that is in encompassed in that expectation, has been greatly reduced.

i mention that so i do not minimize the changes that have happen ed as a result of this recovery process, in some sort of veil of false humility. the work i have done, the surrender to the facts of life i have made and the accommodations i have made with the spiritual side of this program of recovery, has brought me to this place, and the overarching desire to get what i want, when i want it, is no longer THE driving force in my life. that is not to say, that i have been filled with infinite patience and walk around this world in a state of buddha-like serenity, far from it! no what has happened is that i have found a place in this world, and i no longer need to make a big noise to let the rest of the world know that i have arrived. i get to do the next right and expect no reward, but i would be lying if i said that i did not like to get that stuff acknowledged. i like having my needs met and i like even more having all of my desires met as well. to say anything else would be more than a bit disingenuous. i am quite tired of having to pander to the lowest common denominator, and recovery has given me permission to let all of that go and actually allow myself the opportunity to learn to be patient, which will be difficult the next time i get behind a car in the left hand lane, whose drive has decided that ten miles per hour below the speed limit is an appropriate speed. perhaps, there is an opportunity there i am choosing to ignore, because the last thing i want to do, is alter the manner in which i drive. as i traipse over to my home group this morning, i will see where i can let go of my expectation to make the trip in fifteen minutes or less and be okay with it taking twenty minutes, instead!
it is a great day to be alive and kicking and with that said, TA-TA FOR NOW!

∞ DT ∞