ยฅ i was trapped by my need for the instant gratification that drugs gave me ยฅ
Posted: Mon, Jul 12, 2010 09:49:26 AM
learning to be patient is not the easiest task i have undertaken, in fact, if not for the fellowship and the spiritual principles that i have been given, i probably would have never even contemplated this. it is true, that patience is a virtue, and i am sure it is part of the human condition to desire that me NEEDS be met right now. active addiction took that basic desire and once again made it as unhealthy as it possible could. so it is no wonder that after some clean time, i feel like my recovery is not moving fast enough, after all, i want all the changes to be manifest NOW!
bit by bit, with others to guide me and to provide object lessons, i am learning to be patient, not just about the progress of my recovery, but everything else in life. in fact, not too long ago, i heard an addict sharing about how they prayed for certain things, and did not get them when they wanted them. of course, as i am wont to, i went right to the instant judgment about the quality of their program and exactly how they could live in such expectations and stay clean. i understand that is my defective character being revealed to me, through yet another defect of character. part of my first step work has revealed that i am living in a world of desiring instant gratification from everyone and everything around me. although i can see the insanity in that, and i thought i had moved beyond that, it is making my life as unmanageable as it was in the first place. in this respect i have not grown at all, EXCEPT that today i recognize it, and i can work the program around what is being manifest in my life. i have yet to reveal the cause, but the condition is REAL and needs to be addressed, and the cause of this is irrelevant at this time, as there are more than enough steps to uncover what is going on.
so it is off to the shower and into getting even more stuff done today. for some reason, i feel like doing work, so as the cliché goes, i will make hay while the sun shines.
bit by bit, with others to guide me and to provide object lessons, i am learning to be patient, not just about the progress of my recovery, but everything else in life. in fact, not too long ago, i heard an addict sharing about how they prayed for certain things, and did not get them when they wanted them. of course, as i am wont to, i went right to the instant judgment about the quality of their program and exactly how they could live in such expectations and stay clean. i understand that is my defective character being revealed to me, through yet another defect of character. part of my first step work has revealed that i am living in a world of desiring instant gratification from everyone and everything around me. although i can see the insanity in that, and i thought i had moved beyond that, it is making my life as unmanageable as it was in the first place. in this respect i have not grown at all, EXCEPT that today i recognize it, and i can work the program around what is being manifest in my life. i have yet to reveal the cause, but the condition is REAL and needs to be addressed, and the cause of this is irrelevant at this time, as there are more than enough steps to uncover what is going on.
so it is off to the shower and into getting even more stuff done today. for some reason, i feel like doing work, so as the cliché goes, i will make hay while the sun shines.
∞ DT ∞