Blog entry for:

i have begun to understand how addiction warped my feelings, motivations, and behavior. gradually, the destructive force of addiction has been replaced by the life-giving force of a Higher Power.
well i am certainly being cared for today, although i can get online, i cannot remotely connect to do the minimal amount of work, i need to do. far from obsessing about this setback, i will let it go and try back later.
so i know this is a late post for me, that i am usually at the crack of dawn kind of writer, today, i had to sleep in, i got to soak in the mineral springs, i got to eat a breakfast out and now i get to relax with the love of my life doing absolutely nothing, but working way hard at that.
so what i heard this morning, and what i am getting now, is a sense of relief that i do not have to be scrambling trying to get my next fix. absurd as that sounds, as this sort of vacation, with someone who i love and respect seemed impossible back in the day, i can still fantasize about how this would be if i was in active addiction. no i cannot, it absolutely makes no sense at all, no matter how hard i try and twist this bizzaro world to fit.
it is only a result of staying clean, learning to live a program and live a life based on spiritual principles, that it is possible for me to be typing such an extraordinary message. that message is, that if someone like me, someone who had to get high every single day, can get clean and stay clean for thousands of days in a row, and be happy, satisfied and content about staying clean, that anyone else can so so also.
so time to wake my napping honey bun and move into our next bit of doing nothing!

∞ DT ∞