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power or direction, is certainly an apt way to describe what i had when i was forced into mere abstinence. it also is a fitting description of those first eighteen months when i denied, obfuscated, rationalized and made every attempt possible to disqualify myself from recovery. many of my peers would say that what was missing was GOD, and although they are probably not incorrect, for them anyhow, i see things a wee bit differently. before i get too far down that rabbit hole:

Scott K
Congrats on Nine (9) years clean!

and now for the deeper dive into what i heard!
i certainly lacked humility, acceptance and surrender in those early days and it took quite a bit of time to get around to the point of actually seeing myself as an addict and wanting a solution that was more than mere abstinence. although i was loathe to admit it, i never wanted to come into the “GOD” clan, but when i finally got rid of what i thought i “should” believe and opened my heart to what i truly felt, i certainly joined the HIGHER POWERED. i may not “hear” the voice of GOD nor do i have any clues about what GOD's will may be for me, save for granting me what i need to stay clean today. where once upon a time i was certain about where i was going, even though i was actually wandering lost in the wasteland of active addiction, today i do not know where i may be going, but by paying attention i can read the road signs that guide me to my next destination, which just may be another day clean. allowing myself to be guided and accepting the power i am given, keeps m,e rolling down this road of recovery.
as i am running very late this morning, i think i will wrap this up by saying that just for today, i can allow the POWER that fuels my recovery to provide for me. i can take what IT provides, exercise the options IT lays out and as a result be a better person, one that has purpose in this life. one who has direction and one who accepts the power he is given, just for today.

∞ DT ∞