Blog entry for:

knots of life with the Serenity Prayer. acceptance or wisdom, quite a binary decision. i know it is one of those i make on daily basis without even thinking about it, the decisions just fall into place as i strive to do the next correct thing. today i am faced with a decision to give an addict who is in mere abstinence a small chunk of cash. i am actually tired of dealing with them and really and truly want to give him all that he has left and wash my hands of the whole affair. instead, i will accept the responsibility they gave me several months ago and give them what they are asking for and defer until next week, giving them what they have left, as i am the adult and the clean one in this relationship. as much as i want to walk away, my dang recovery program keeps me engaged with them, at least through Tuesday. what will be, is what will be and i am okay with that, for right now. before i get down to what i am hearing right now…

Scott K
CONGRATS on X (10) years clean.
A decade is certainly quite an milestone!

what i feel in the here and now is a bit of gratitude for the life i have built through a program of recovery. i am not in the throes of active addiction, i have the ways and means to support myself and when i choose to do nothing at all, i do not sit and wonder if i can stay clean another day. i have friends i can call, i have peers who have my back and i have a POWER that fuels my recovery on a daily basis. all of that seems a bit trite and certainly cliché, but it is a very simple truth. my life may not be perfect, but it not heinous. looking at my friend through that lens, i can understand their frustration with where they are. there is, however, short of baby-sitting them, not a lot i am willing to do. when i decide to hike this morning instead of grabbing them by the short hairs and dragging them out to a meeting, i demonstrated a bit of wisdom, as there is nothing that i can change, except how i react to their lack of desire and willingness. i chose my own serenity over attempting to exercise self-will, and do not regret that decision. now i can enjoy a cigar and get some HOA stuff done.
just for today, i will allow myself the freedom to consider what i can or cannot change and when there is something i have the ability to change, do so. it is a great start to my longish weekend and a day to revel in the FREEDOM i have found by doing my best to live a program of active recovery, in my daily life.

∞ DT ∞