Blog entry for:

a purpose, and a Power greater than myself, not quite what i saw for my future, way back when. even a few brief years ago, i had thought that this notion was more than a bit cheesey, as in what would i need a **special purpose,** and that i could live life drifting willy-nilly on the ebb and flow of life around me. i might have even argued that i had direction in active addiction and a sense of direction, namely to duplicate that feeling i got, the first time i got high and the world melted away from me. those arguments are falling by the wayside this morning, as i think about what i “heard” and prepare to get out into the so-called real early a bit out of my routine. of course before i do so a quick shout-out to one of my peers and friends:

Congrats, Scott K
Four (4) years clean is quite a feat.
Thanks for hanging in here, Just for Today.

what exactly is my sense of direction today?
what is my “purpose” in life?
what is the source of my power?
why do i need to come to rely on a POWER that can fuel my recovery?
all perfectly valid questions and ones that i seem to have answered at least 7296 times before. the questions may be asked time and again, and the answers have changed over time. i used to be quite hung up on finding direction and purpose for my life in active recovery, GOD's will, as it were. in fact, my quest to determine that will, led to all sorts of untenable positions as i got self-will and the will of that POWER all mashed up and seemingly inseparable. today, at least in the here and now, i am content in my belief that as the day unfolds, more will be revealed and i will get the power i need to handles whatever i need to deal with, today. as to what my direction NEEDS to be, well i have yet to get my e-mail or text from GOD, telling me what to do. that means i have to be awake and present for what happens in my life today, and seek the next right thing to do, automagically. i can do that and i can be okay following the direction i find, as it comes barrelling down the pike. it is after all, a great day to be more than just another clean addict, i can be a clean addict who is living a program of active recovery, just for today.

∞ DT ∞