Blog entry for:

offered in the Serenity Prayer -- sorting between what i can and cannot change, has been a recent topic of discussion between myself and a few of the men who call me their sponsor, of late. as a result i have been asking myself a similar question: do i have any power here and if so, can i wield it to affect change? if not, am i willing to give it up to the POWER that fuels my recovery? although that sound freaking simple and straight-forward, i mind trip myself all the time and go down one rabbit hole after another, attempting to find the answer that satisfies my current set of desires. case in point is where i ended up this morning. on my walked, i saw the new trail was open and that was an easy choice to take that path, as i had not yet travelled down it. when i came home i was torn bout whether or not to mow the lawn before i showered or later this afternoon, followed by the decision to have a cigar at home or pack up my rig and sit in the cigar store this morning. the results of all that angst is that the lawn is mowed and i am enjoying a cigar on my front porch, as i wax semi-poetically.
before i get too much further down the road:

Scott K.
CONGRATS on XI (11) years clean!
Now, If only … 😁

this morning, as i sat, i kept distracting myself, critiquing the Netflix series i finished last night. every time i went down to the void, it popped up and demanded my attention. when i finally ceased fighting and let that notion run its course, i got the serenity i seek on daily basis. i got to see that not only do i need to run stuff through this simple binary, some of the time, it means undoing what i already did. yesterday. i corrected a bit of self-will in my fantasy football league. well almost, i still chose the draft order i liked the best, even though i am drafting at the end, rather than the beginning. i also see an enhancement i need to make to my program, to prevent the first and last managers from being repeated, year after year. that, however, is a task for another day, as i am taking this day off from writing any code at all.
right here and right now, it is time to enjoy this down-time and see what i can do to be good to myself, today. even though i know there i a payoff for my pain, i need not travel that road today. i can and will be okay, being present for those around me and < GASP > myself, s it is a good day to honor the human nature of my life.

∞ DT ∞