Blog entry for:

motivations, and behavior. quite a melange of concepts to wonder about. the reading suggests, that i as i stay clean and learn to accept living a life in recovery, that all of these will change to become more in line with what society considers acceptable, and as i think about, i see no flaw in that notion. where i stumble, seems to be what was once unacceptable to society in general, has become normal. as i look around and follow the news, i can see all sorts of examples of selfish, over-entitled, ignorant and self-obsessed behavior and begin to wonder if i somehow missed the memo stating that all of that is now part of what i can reasonably be expected to be. i want to be an acceptable and productive member of society, even though the sands of society's expectations seem to be shifting under my feet.
moving on:

Scott K.,
EIGHT (8) years clean!
CONGRATS my friend.

what came to me, as i was “listening” this morning is why i feel the need to conform with what society expects of me at all. IF i am feeling good about the direction my motivations and behaviors are going, because i have a new direction, what good is measuring my insides to the external strife i see around me, really is? all of my life, it seems i have wanted to “look like”l what i thought everyone else was feeling and i also rebelled against my desire to do so. these days, i do neither. i have finally found the place where i am starting to see that i am okay and i no longer NEED to hide in the shadows. although i am uncertain about how that will play out in my life, i have found a direction and if that direction comes from a POWER that fuels my recovery, so be it. what i do know, right here and right now, is that it is time to get my workout togs one and get some miles under my belt. the rest of the day will take care of itself, all i have to do is pay attention. oh yeah, even if society is moving in a direction different from mine, i do not have to be one of the sheep that goes down the path to the abattoir of, “i gotta get mine, before it is all gone.” 😉

∞ DT ∞