โ just like physical pain, emotional pain โ
Posted: Thu, Oct 1, 2009 01:11:54 PM
lets me know when to stop doing something that hurts. for me, that is a good thing, as without any pain at all i would have little motivation to change. well it is more than that, i have sort of moved beyond the place of only doing recovery work when the pain of doing is less than the pain of not doing. that is another topic, for yet another day.
what i heard hours ago, when i was contemplating this reading was the echo of finishing the step cycle i am on. not that doing a twelfth step really brings on any pain, but there has been self-inflicted pain, as i have approached an understanding of what this spiritual awakening means. i have been quite obtuse to this answer, and it was only after uncovering a simmering anger, that it finally became plain to me. the process is more important than the outcome. the means will justify any ends that happen to arrive, as long as i am properly motivated and able to be present for what is happening inside of me, in the here and now.
so after a moment to pause, i am ready to get back at the tasks on my desk. or perhaps take a nap, as my massage has taken its toll on my energy level. the pain of getting a massage, and trust me there is more than a little of that involved, is more than worth the energy that is sometimes sapped from me, as it provides a release from the chronic pain of my misuse of my body. so it is with my recovery work. the brief moments or hours or perhaps days of the acute pain of change, is worth the respite from the chronic pain of addiction.
so back to the real world to get a bit more accomplished.
what i heard hours ago, when i was contemplating this reading was the echo of finishing the step cycle i am on. not that doing a twelfth step really brings on any pain, but there has been self-inflicted pain, as i have approached an understanding of what this spiritual awakening means. i have been quite obtuse to this answer, and it was only after uncovering a simmering anger, that it finally became plain to me. the process is more important than the outcome. the means will justify any ends that happen to arrive, as long as i am properly motivated and able to be present for what is happening inside of me, in the here and now.
so after a moment to pause, i am ready to get back at the tasks on my desk. or perhaps take a nap, as my massage has taken its toll on my energy level. the pain of getting a massage, and trust me there is more than a little of that involved, is more than worth the energy that is sometimes sapped from me, as it provides a release from the chronic pain of my misuse of my body. so it is with my recovery work. the brief moments or hours or perhaps days of the acute pain of change, is worth the respite from the chronic pain of addiction.
so back to the real world to get a bit more accomplished.
∞ DT ∞