Blog entry for:

it seems to be a pointless exercise in suffering.
blah blah blah!
well anyways, yes i am in one of those moods where everything seems to be colored a dark shade of grey today. no i am not going to use, and the ironic part is that i did not wake up feeli8ng this way. i know the cause, i am overwhelmed by the amount of work i have on my plate, and do not even want to continue doing anything this morning. so as i wait for the washer to finish its magic, i am writing this little missive to myself and the cyberworld to see if i can get out of this tiny little funk.
it is true that pain is a great motivator for me, in physical, emotional and spiritual sense. if that was its only purpose, than i would definitely feel ripped-off. i see pain as a natural byproduct of living, and probably necessary to my continued survival. yes there are time i believe that life without any pain would be bliss. oh wait, i already tried to live that life. my life in active addiction was all about pain avoidance and doing whatever it took to live in that pain free blissful state. so unless i want to go back to that particular phase in life, i have to learn to accept the gift of pain, dang it! as i run down this particular train of thought, i am beginning to see that pain; emotional, spiritual and physical; is a gift to be treasured and not endured.
following up on that, i guess since life equals pain, at least on some level, the lack of pain is an indicator of the lack of life. well maybe not, but using the gift of pain, and learning to be grateful that i can feel pain, seems to be what the task is in front of me today. yes i have sh*tloads of work to do, and yes i may have to put in a very long day to accomplish all that work, but that is better than the alternative, work equals money and money equals a comfortable life, including the gift of pain. so enough whining, i do feel a bit better and off to tackle the mound of responsibility i have accepted in my life. Ta Ta For Now!

∞ DT ∞