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that does NOT mean that it has TO BE, that choice is mine and mine alone. after what feels like an eternity, moving from a pain based motivational structure to a pain avoidance structure, seems to be the normal progression. it is true, that step work and constantly striving to live a program of active recovery does reduce the incidence of pain that arises from day to day living. one might believe that if one lived an active program, they would somehow become immune to pain. well take it from me, while the amount of pain that arises in my daily life, just from the quite normal interactions with the real world has been reduced,i am far from a pain free life. since i am choosing to live a program of active recovery, i get to feel the sting of my missteps every night when i sit to quietly inventory my day. i feel the stab of pain, when i catch myself treating someone badly. of course, this does not even begin to describe the sort of pain i feel when i uncover yet another reason i NEED to be doing my step work, or when that step works, reveals something painful that i had anesthetized away, way back when. living in the here and now, reduces my pain, but hardly eliminates it.
returning to the thesis of the reading today, that is to be expected, as pain is our physical and spiritual warning system that something is wrong. the intensity of that alarm, tells me how urgent it is that i do something to change the situation. so i get that, and yet, i guess i would not be human, if i did not sometimes long for a life that was pain free. in a fantasy world that life may be possible, but in the real world, that life would probably be pretty dull, and in the long run end up causing pain anyhow. oops before i forget:

TWO YEARS CLEAN, Casey
AMAZING
KEEP COMING BACK

anyhow where was i…
oh yeah a boring life without pain. yes i may long for such a life, at times more than may be healthy for me, BUT i have come to accept that pain is part of the human condition, and as just another person walking the face of this planet, i will feel pain. what i do with that pain is the real trick. if i ignore it and hope it will go away on its own, i am certain to remain in pain. if i run to my nearest coping behavior to medicate it away, i only postpone the day i have to face it. so the healthy solution, for me, is to face it, figure out why i am feeling the pain and work on the means to permanently remove that instance of pain from my life. that is where living a program of active recovery comes in. it is only through the steps and learning to apply spiritual principles that i can eliminate these instances of spiritual pain that i feel. as grow, i know that i can deal with pain, live with pain and yes even come to welcome pain, because i am no longer the numb zombie i arrived in the rooms as, i am becoming a whole, genuine person who is capable of feeling whatever feelings happen to come down the pike today.
so out for q quickie workout and then into my busy first of the month. it is a good day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞