๐คฌ how dare ๐คฌ
Posted: Tue, Oct 1, 2024 09:30:17 AM
anyone mess with my serenity?! to tell the truth i came into recovery as a very reactive person. no matter how hard i tried to get kicked out of the rooms, those members who were already here, responded to my anger, cynicism and sarcasm with a huge dose of compassion and caring. that shit pissed me off more, how dare they treat me well, when all i want to do, is to fulfill my self-fulfilling prophecy of not being a part of any recovery community. the lesson i took away from that was to try harder, as everyone has a limit. by the time i realized that was probably not going to work, i found myself finally having the desire to get what they had.
although i am much better than that today, i did take issue with the headline of my source material and had to change it to “Responding with Compassion,” to remind myself anyhow, that i no longer need to react and i can take a minute to pause and develop a response, that hopefully encompasses a few spiritual principles, such as compassion, kindness and caring.
i am currently without an official sponsor, as i had the conversation with my old sponsor yesterday and i do not have a conversation until Saturday with my new one. i am quite certain i will not go off the deep end in the next few days, although the events i have planned will certainly mess with the balance and serenity that i have built into my life. the fact of the matter is, i have at least two men i can call if i get nutz and the world feels as if it is crashing in on me. the conversation with Carlos was not as bad as i built it up to be, in my own head. i knew that was going to be the case, but when it comes to relationships, i am still a novice, even with a couple of decades of clean time under my belt. this morning, twelve or so hours later i am in a good place, confident in my decision and ready to move forward. i now have a few days to contemplate my new assignment and hopefully the POWER that fuels my recovery, will allow me the opportunity to see where i need to go, as i embark on this new fork in my recovery road.
although i am much better than that today, i did take issue with the headline of my source material and had to change it to “Responding with Compassion,” to remind myself anyhow, that i no longer need to react and i can take a minute to pause and develop a response, that hopefully encompasses a few spiritual principles, such as compassion, kindness and caring.
i am currently without an official sponsor, as i had the conversation with my old sponsor yesterday and i do not have a conversation until Saturday with my new one. i am quite certain i will not go off the deep end in the next few days, although the events i have planned will certainly mess with the balance and serenity that i have built into my life. the fact of the matter is, i have at least two men i can call if i get nutz and the world feels as if it is crashing in on me. the conversation with Carlos was not as bad as i built it up to be, in my own head. i knew that was going to be the case, but when it comes to relationships, i am still a novice, even with a couple of decades of clean time under my belt. this morning, twelve or so hours later i am in a good place, confident in my decision and ready to move forward. i now have a few days to contemplate my new assignment and hopefully the POWER that fuels my recovery, will allow me the opportunity to see where i need to go, as i embark on this new fork in my recovery road.
∞ DT ∞