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sound like an ideal world?
it certainly would be different that is for sure. i confess, this is one those readings that i used to think was just plain dumb. i mean after all, why should i have to feel pain in order to move mu hand off of a hot burner, i should just how to do that insensitively, as well as all the other pain causing events that occur in my physical and emotional world. as my friend Mick used to say, i was a ‘delusionoid’ back in those days.
it is not that i disagreed with the premise of the reading, once i thought about it, it was just that i did not AND STILL do not like to be reminded that i only move forward in my program when the PAIN of DOING something about spiritual growth is LESS THAN the PAIN of NOT DOING.
well i do need to backtrack a bit on that last statement, as true as it once was, and it was THE TRUTH for quite some time, most days i actually start moving forward when i start to feel the pain, rather than manning-up and waiting until i cannot stand it anymore. most days. nice qualifier, but it describes my current state very well, to say anything else, would be dishonest, disingenuous and more than a little bit of hyperbole for the shock value. you see, for the most part, recovery has evened out the bumps in the road, and although the path is not always the one of the least grade, it is the smoothest.
there is a part of me, that still cries out for chaos and turmoil in my life. is is almost like i like the pain and even more disturbing, is that part enjoys inflicting that upon me. being an auto-sadomasochist, is certainly one of the weirdest of my twists that i have stumbled upon across the course of my spiritual path.
TODAY, however, i can let all of that go. although i will probably not do any step work, i have already started doing the stuff that will allow me to LIVE a program and be a better person that i was yesterday. the pain level i fell, spiritually anyhow, is at a bare minimum, and emotionally, just about that same level. with that in mind, perhaps i will ask the POWER that fuels my recovery to provide for me the footwork to keep it there, at least for this slice of 24 hours. i know that IT can and will do so, IF i allow that POWER to do IT's gig without interference from me. with that in mind, off to the real world to see what i can get accomplished as well.

∞ DT ∞