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as contrary action, is not usually concepts i link. in fact, until i sat and allowed myself to drift through the source material, i was more than a bit confused about how this came together. finally, i got it, killing those who have done me wrong with kindness or something like that. not as passive as turning the other cheek and certainly better than acting out and matching them blow by blow until all of us are bloody messes, metaphorically anyhow. i see that if i CHOOSE to respond with compassion to someone acting out on their less than savory characteristics, i could leave the situation better off than i entered it, i win in other words. winning, is still part of what i want to do, although i am less driven to win at all costs. it really does not matter how “right” i am, if in the end i lose a friend or ally. i see responding with compassion, forgiveness and kindness as an ideal i can strive for, if i can ever get past my own bad self. there is still a huge part of me that is very intolerant of disrespect. a case in point, my overweight, out of shape loud mouthed neighbor gave me shit about smoking cigars and walking for my health. i was about to go into my normal explanation about how i smoke cigars, when i realized it sounds like a justification. instead i fumed about it for twenty-four hours, until i realized that his “cuts” to an acquaintance are all about what he is not and what i am. it looks like envy and jealousy, but that is just my opinion. he really does not know me well enough to participate in the friendly and what appears to be cruel verbal games i play with my friends, peers and close acquaintances. today, as i ran my weekly 10K i saw that i am doing much better than i am feeling and i do not need to carry anyone else's crap and surrender my personal power to someone who has no clue that he had the ability to steal that from me. so it is off to finish my chores and have a quiet afternoon in a smoke-filled room, watching football and enjoying the company of those i actually like being around.

∞ DT ∞