Blog entry for:

i hear my fellow members talking about sharing love, and i sense the substance it lends to their lives. all i need is love, love, love is all i need. no not the inane commercial, but the original thought by an inane pop band of the sixties, that some choose to call the Beatles. why i went into that particular diversion this morning is beyond me, but it happened and it is time to move on. so what is on my mind this morning? well for one, that someone i thought was friend, could ask a favor of me after almost 3 years of silence, and not one question about how i am doing nor any updates on his life. apparently what i think friendship is, and what others is not the same. for me, friendship entails and assumes a level of receiving and giving of this elusive thing called love. sure, favors, courtesies, and caring are part of the package, but for respect and equality loom large as qualities i expect in friendship. apparently, as i was telling a sponsee just two days ago, i also suffer from unmet expectations, and i can either change my definition, or change the category my various relationship fall in. demoting someone from friend to acquaintance, just sucks, as i still love them as much as i did before. what such a demotion does do for me, is to allow my expectations to be diminished, as they diminish, my level of frustration also diminishes and i get just that much healthier. i can then give love, with no expectation of return and move on with my life.
the ironic part of this whole exercise this morning, is that try as i may, my step work always boils down to relationships, even when the focus may have been something like decision-making. love is at the core of those relationships, and as i get healthier, as i get more confident in who i am, as i garner a better vision of where i am going, i have a greater capacity to give and receive love, and most importantly, not attach the strings as strong as towing cables to such actions. honestly, if someone had told me thirteen years ago, that i would be learning how to give unconditional love, i would have certainly jumped to the conclusion that they were delusional bordering on totally fVcking NUTS! conversely had they mentioned that i would also be learning how to receive unconditional love i would have been calling the nut hut to get them involuntarily committed for 72 hours.
that is what i heard this morning, that as i progress in my program, as i allow the changes that occur as a result, i better learn how to do this whole giving and getting love gig. i also heard that lowering my expectations of how others behave is also a good thing. most of all, i need not shame, manipulate or bully anyone into giving or receiving the gift of love i offer -- i just offer and move on.
so it is time to hit the streets this morning and work off the chunk of calories that leftover Halloween candy in the house creates. i am ready to move forward into this day, looking at how to be a better participant in this whole giving and receiving love gig, at least right here and right now.

∞ DT ∞