± none of the seemingly remarkable feats on the part of my sponsor are mere coincidence ±
Posted: Sat, Mar 13, 2010 08:18:53 AM
he has simply walked the same path before me, and i am grateful for his presence. yesterday was one of those life on its own terms day for me. while i like the days that everything goes well and my way, and can accept those days when nothing goes my way, the days i have the most trouble are the mixed up mosh of great, good, bad and indifferent. i realize it is me who puts the spin on the events that comprise my day, but man oh man…
so what was up? well for the great part my sponsee from GJ came over and we went through his 6th Step writing. the good part? spending time with Kathy, getting a run in and staying clean. the indifferent part, well i hosed my "white board" test, where i had to pull code from out of my head and write a fragment in front of my perspective employers. that was a bad part yesterday, but in the morning light, it has been downgraded to man indifferent part. the bad part, my sponsee in jail has relapsed making him the third sponsee that has relapsed since the 18th of February, this sponsee a week relapse rate is starting to wear on me, and i have been looking to whether or not i have a part in it.
quite a preamble just to get to the heart of what i am thinking. there are several ways to interpret what i felt was bad, one that i am powerless over the behavior and decisions that others may make, and since i am clean and reasonably satisfied with where i am , and where i appear to be going, that i DO have something that needs to be given away so that i can keep it. this is all just another day in my life, and even though i am writing out my 1st Step, this is not some sort of cosmic lesson in how powerless i am, their decisions and actions just are, and although they affect me, they affect themselves a whole lot more. my sponsor will help frame these events in my 1st Step work when i meet with him later this week, and as i write this down, i can see while i am sad that these men chose to use, it is not a refection on me, nor is it a refection on the quality of my program in any manner. unless of course i choose to make it so, and in that case there is certainly more than a little that needs to be addressed by my 1st Step work.
early as it may be, it is time to sign-off and get a bit more done before service kicks off latter this afternoon. it is a good day to be clean, and acknowledge what i am truly powerless over. and yes, i will call my sponsor today, how about you?!
so what was up? well for the great part my sponsee from GJ came over and we went through his 6th Step writing. the good part? spending time with Kathy, getting a run in and staying clean. the indifferent part, well i hosed my "white board" test, where i had to pull code from out of my head and write a fragment in front of my perspective employers. that was a bad part yesterday, but in the morning light, it has been downgraded to man indifferent part. the bad part, my sponsee in jail has relapsed making him the third sponsee that has relapsed since the 18th of February, this sponsee a week relapse rate is starting to wear on me, and i have been looking to whether or not i have a part in it.
quite a preamble just to get to the heart of what i am thinking. there are several ways to interpret what i felt was bad, one that i am powerless over the behavior and decisions that others may make, and since i am clean and reasonably satisfied with where i am , and where i appear to be going, that i DO have something that needs to be given away so that i can keep it. this is all just another day in my life, and even though i am writing out my 1st Step, this is not some sort of cosmic lesson in how powerless i am, their decisions and actions just are, and although they affect me, they affect themselves a whole lot more. my sponsor will help frame these events in my 1st Step work when i meet with him later this week, and as i write this down, i can see while i am sad that these men chose to use, it is not a refection on me, nor is it a refection on the quality of my program in any manner. unless of course i choose to make it so, and in that case there is certainly more than a little that needs to be addressed by my 1st Step work.
early as it may be, it is time to sign-off and get a bit more done before service kicks off latter this afternoon. it is a good day to be clean, and acknowledge what i am truly powerless over. and yes, i will call my sponsor today, how about you?!
∞ DT ∞