Blog entry for:

i share things with my sponsor that i am not comfortable sharing with anyone else. sitting here this morning, i feel so, well i am not quite sure how i feel this morning. there is a certain weirdness going on in the world in general, and for some reason i am feeling affected by it. of course i am powerless over the events in the world in general, earthquakes and tsunamis happen, revolts and unrest occur, and yet somehow, this morning all of that plus my own problems are weighing me down.
this exercise is certainly one way to work through my feelings, or of course i could give my sponsor a call. not that he would present any solutions, but he would allow me to talk through what may or may not be going on. i am comfortable enough with this exercise, that if after writing this i am still unsettled, i will give him a call.
when one of the men i sponsor gets like this, the first thing i have them do is to try and name what they are feeling. starting from there, i do believe i will take my own advice. what is it exactly i am feeling? well, first off, i am feeling powerless and like life is spinning out of my control. with that in mind what is it that i can take action on, right here and right now, and what is it that i need to stop, and allow myself to get direction about?
i have work to do, and hours to get paid for, right here and right now, that is the first thing i can do to improve my situation. my laptop has developed a problem in launching one of the programs that i NEED to do that job, so as i write this and go through my day, i can and will work through getting that up and running. i am already starting to feel a bit better, a run may be called for this morning, i have decided that is something i need a day off from, and that decision feels correct. the rest of what is going on in the world, core meltdowns, civil unrest and the chaos, well as i have stated i am powerless over all of that and IF i actually did some formal step work, i might be able to let go of that. i am beginning to a get a glimpse of what action i can take. i may have shared about it in a meeting the other night, but the time has come to put pen to paper and stop paying lip service to actions i am more than capable of doing. since i am already feeling a little be less uncertain, and of course all of this could be because of the heinous time change, that takes an hour of light from my best time of day and puts it where it is useless to me, and of course now that i think about it, that is also part of what is making me feel not quite right. for someone like me, who is driven by the diurnal cycle, that also makes sense. all of this and i am sure much more is going working under the surface, so what am i going to do:
STOP
MEDITATE
and LET GO!
now is the time to get started on restarting my day!

∞ DT ∞