Untitled Entry
Posted: Mon, Mar 13, 2006 07:13:32 AM
i cannot say enough about the men who have sponsored me while i walked the path of recovery, each of them provided me what i needed, when i needed it, even when i did think i wanted it. each of them walked me through times in my life when i believed i could not survive. and each of them guided me through the steps, providing the unique insight that only another recovering addict can provide.
but this reading is not people, it is about that special person -- my sponsor and although he is not my first, i am certainly not seeking a new sponsor today. carlos provides me with what i need and is far enough away that i cannot take for granted that he will just show-up when i need to talk. i like the fact that i have to make the effort to sit down and talk with him. i also like the fact that he does not seem to have a whole lot of expectations of what i should be doing and when i should be doing it. even though my decision to ask carlos to sponsor me was sort of funky, (he took over when my sponsor disappeared for a while) i always wanted him to sponsor me from the time i was six months clean and attended my first area service meeting. he took this poor scared shitless addict under his wing, welcomed me into the service body and always had a kind word or two for me. of course, over the course of my recovery i had to come to believe that people with that much time actually had the resources to devote to a newbie like me. and that lack of self-worth kept me from ever even thinking of asking carlos to sponsor me until i did. looking back, i understand now that things happen for reasons beyond my understanding and when i was ready to have carlos sponsor me, he was ready to sponsor me -- just like it was supposed to be. so today i think i will give him a call as a pass through my bust=y day. after all it has been a few days since i told him how much it means to me to have him in my life!
but this reading is not people, it is about that special person -- my sponsor and although he is not my first, i am certainly not seeking a new sponsor today. carlos provides me with what i need and is far enough away that i cannot take for granted that he will just show-up when i need to talk. i like the fact that i have to make the effort to sit down and talk with him. i also like the fact that he does not seem to have a whole lot of expectations of what i should be doing and when i should be doing it. even though my decision to ask carlos to sponsor me was sort of funky, (he took over when my sponsor disappeared for a while) i always wanted him to sponsor me from the time i was six months clean and attended my first area service meeting. he took this poor scared shitless addict under his wing, welcomed me into the service body and always had a kind word or two for me. of course, over the course of my recovery i had to come to believe that people with that much time actually had the resources to devote to a newbie like me. and that lack of self-worth kept me from ever even thinking of asking carlos to sponsor me until i did. looking back, i understand now that things happen for reasons beyond my understanding and when i was ready to have carlos sponsor me, he was ready to sponsor me -- just like it was supposed to be. so today i think i will give him a call as a pass through my bust=y day. after all it has been a few days since i told him how much it means to me to have him in my life!
∞ DT ∞