Blog entry for:

whom i can share the stuff that i am not comfortable sharing in a meeting. as i took my inventory last night, i stumbled over a reaction i had to the events of the day. in my heart i felt glee as i watched one of my peers pouting. it may not have been what i thought it was, but the feeling i had, definitely needed to be inventoried, as it has been quite some time since i have felt anything but compassion and empathy, when i witnessed the suffering of another. that reaction is indicative of why i NEED a sponsor and why i NEED to keep in contact with him. i know that owning my wrong, directly will cause more damage and would only serve to relieve my conscience, so keeping it to myself until i can share it with my sponsor, is certainly the best policy in this case. the other topic that i visited last night in my TENTH STEP was my reaction to being asked to resume a relationship as a sponsor with someone who i have had an “issue” or two with, in the past year. that decision has yet to be made and will certainly be on the stack today, as i walk through another day in my life.
today, thinking about what it means for me to sponsor someone and the amount of effort i am willing to put into doing so, perhaps it is not a good idea to pick-up that “once upon a time” relationship, at this time in my life. i am on my last week of sitting still and will be starting a new chapter in my career in eight days, that requires a commute. i still have to figure out how i am going to keep my commitment to my physical and spiritual self, with the additional burden of a commute in my life. piling on, may not be the best policy at this time. or perhaps i am looking for a way of justifying myself out of taking on this peer as his sponsor, as i am not very “friendly” with him. that too, is something that needs consideration and perhaps a conversation with my sponsor.
with all of that on my head this morning, some miles under my running shoes, will probably be just what the doctor ordered. i have the desire to be a better person and the relationship i have with my sponsor, allows me the freedom to make the mistakes, play the idiot and be forgiven my trespasses against those around me. so it is time to suit up and hit the concrete trail, after all, those miles will not get done, while i am sitting my ass.

∞ DT ∞