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my only hope is to find some POWER greater than the force of addiction. as i write this particular entry this morning, i am struck about where i am in my step cycle and how appropriate this is for me right here and right now. having gone over my FIRST STEP with my sponsor, i am currently between STEPS 1 and 2, and that is what i hear in the reading this morning. quite honestly the major symptom of my addiction has been gone for some time, my uncontrollable use of drugs. it is also quite true that without having that particular indication of addiction in my life, it is difficult at times to walk through a day accepting that i am an addict. after all, it has been quite some time since i last used, or even had the desire to use, EXCEPT that is not quite true. the other day i had to go do some work for a client and when i walked into his office there was a bag of ’legal‘ dope, sitting on his desk as well as the means and the invitation to partake of it. although it did not seem to resonate in my head then, i see that after a few days i have created a place for a reservation. how, one may ask? well for one, i did not talk about this with my sponsor on Thursday evening while going over my 1st Step, nor have i mentioned it to anyone i share my recovery with, up to this point. you know, the whole if i ignore it, it will go away gig. well after attending an event last night, i had to pray to this POWER greater than my addiction to take away the obsession, as it was upon me again. this morning as i write this, i know that 'fessing up is what i NEED to do, and this is the perfect forum, to get started on that.
moving on, what i am now hearing is that YES I AM AN ADDICT and here is the proof, SO as a consequence, if i wish to maintain my life in recovery, once again i NEED to surrender to that fact. the preponderance of the evidence is that even with some days clean, i can still trip back to that old place and live there again. no problem and i am grateful today for the reminder, that although others may choose to do what they do, i can choose a different path, and that path is a life of recovery through the tools and principles that i have been given. one of those tools ids the FAITH i have grown and if i move forward will continue to grow as the days accumulate. i have felt the obsession again and i have once again returned to the HOPE that a POWER greater than addiction can relieve me from that obsession and help me to move forward on the path of recovery.
anyhow, it is a good day to be clean, i am grateful that i am not just two days clean and that there is a way for me to proceed from here, one day at a time. so off to face what i need to do, so i can live another day in the light of recovery.

∞ DT ∞