Blog entry for:

goes far beyond what the $$$s i put into the basket, it has come to be a part of living an active program of recovery, for me anyhow. one thing mentioned specifically in the content that is driving this little exercise of putting down into words what i am feeling this morning was that self-support is not self-sufficiency. i may be able to support myself financially, emotionally, spiritually and physically but that does not mean, at least for me, that i have achieved any level of self-sufficiency. i still need my spouse, my friends, my family and my peers to be a part of my life as well as the thousands of others who directly and indirectly provide what i need and what i desire to live in the manner that i am quite accustomed to living. i know to believe anything else, is to retreat back into a world where i can believe any sort of nonsense my head can cook up.
over the course of the past ten days, the demands of being a sponsor has increased. once again i find myself answering the question what is there to do when one feels as if they need something more than the basics of recovery. my first sponsor alluded to this, way back when i was far from ready to accept that i was an addict, by saying that even some people in recovery work steps and practice the basic spiritual principles of recovery, they never leave the lobby. i was not certain what he meant, back in those days, but i certainly understand now. although every one of my peers will deny that any sort of “advanced recovery” exists, it has been my experience that there does come a time, at least in this addict's experience, when i need something more than just the basics and have to learn how to apply all of the spiritual principles i have adopted in my every day life, ever minute of the day. when i am no longer trapped under the weight of my past, a morass of resentments or the remorse of having the wrongs i did, accounted for and repaired, what comes next?
for me, that question is more than just rhetorical and i am uncertain how to answer it. i can say this, i get a payoff from every aspect of living my active program of recovery. attending my home group, give me a connection to my peers and shows me what i can be or do not have to be. that evidence was shown quite clearly to me the other night, where i saw peers with more clean time than me stuck in the world of what was. i do a daily inventory at the end of my day, because it helps me to fall asleep at night. i sit and listen in quiet contemplation every morning, because it provides balance and serenity at the start of my day. i sponsor other men, because their journey through recovery educates me on mine and allows me to learn something new. i do not know if that answers the question, but just for today, living a program of active recovery, looks like that and i am feeling more whole, genuine and self-aware than i have ever felt before in my life, so it must be working,

∞ DT ∞