๐ฉ to addicts, ๐ซ
Posted: Mon, Jun 29, 2026 11:29:15 AM
even those of us with time clean, reality can be a dirty word. sad but true, i can still get in a bit of trouble by telling stories about myself, to myself as well as living in denial. it is also true, that the number of stories has declined as i stayed clean and the content has certainly changed. it is no longer i need to build myself up to appear better than everyone else, but i still tear myself down to “battle” my overinflated ego. living an active program of recovery does not exempt me from skipping down those well trodden paths. at he very least, i have learned to avoid living in a state of false humility, downplaying my assets, even if i find all sorts of other ways and means to lie to myself. one thing that i am certainly grateful for today is that i have trusted people in my life hat let me know in no uncertain terms when i am detached from reality.
of course i am a complex person with a very simple problem -- addiction -- as such i am well-practiced at fantasy and story telling. today, however, i got a brutal awakening at my dentist's office, they are no longer taking my insurance and i need a crown and an implant. not only do i need to find a new provider i need to plan on a huge expense. ARGHHH! life goes on and in this day and age, i can roll with the changes. i made the last change because i did not think i was getting the quality of care i needed. no it is all about the bucks, which i hate to admit. the truth of the matter is, that as long as i only needed cleanings, i was good, seeing the actual dentist was almost impossible, as he has moved into doing more surgery, rather than general dentistry. my first take was WTF do they not know who i am? in reality, yes back to that, they do know and the changes they are making is to work with the only provider that makes their billing easier. business moves on and this patient will move as well.
on to the reality of this week. i am working five of the net six days with a colonoscopy on my only day off. lovely, and not the kind of life a retired guy like me expects. i am sixty-nine and intend to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible, hence the procedure per doctor's orders. i am also a team player in my current part-time job. yes five days of work are not to my liking, but picking up the slack is something i volunteered to do and i am hardly a victim. that, in my book, counts as living in harmony with reality, just for today.
of course i am a complex person with a very simple problem -- addiction -- as such i am well-practiced at fantasy and story telling. today, however, i got a brutal awakening at my dentist's office, they are no longer taking my insurance and i need a crown and an implant. not only do i need to find a new provider i need to plan on a huge expense. ARGHHH! life goes on and in this day and age, i can roll with the changes. i made the last change because i did not think i was getting the quality of care i needed. no it is all about the bucks, which i hate to admit. the truth of the matter is, that as long as i only needed cleanings, i was good, seeing the actual dentist was almost impossible, as he has moved into doing more surgery, rather than general dentistry. my first take was WTF do they not know who i am? in reality, yes back to that, they do know and the changes they are making is to work with the only provider that makes their billing easier. business moves on and this patient will move as well.
on to the reality of this week. i am working five of the net six days with a colonoscopy on my only day off. lovely, and not the kind of life a retired guy like me expects. i am sixty-nine and intend to stay as healthy as possible for as long as possible, hence the procedure per doctor's orders. i am also a team player in my current part-time job. yes five days of work are not to my liking, but picking up the slack is something i volunteered to do and i am hardly a victim. that, in my book, counts as living in harmony with reality, just for today.
∞ DT ∞