โ sometimes recovery gets downright difficult โ
Posted: Tue, Jul 13, 2010 08:52:39 AM
it can be even more difficult to get humble enough to ask for help. AMEN to that! okay what is going on this morning? well after a fairly good sleep last night, i had to run into town to put out a fire. i am waiting for a UPS package to arrive, that requires a signature, and i still want to run, get some billable hours in, write a letter to an incarcerated sponsee and enjoy a cigar on my patio. i want to get all of this accomplished before noon! be that as it may, the topic yesterday was instant gratification and today it is asking for the help i need when i need it. i could go on about what i want today, but i what i really need is a way of taking the entire world and everyone and everything in it off of double secret probation.
where do i go for that kind of assistance? well i could share in meetings, that may happen later this evening after i meet with a sponsee. or i could talk to my sponsor about it. OH WAIT i have already done that and have a writing assignment, so the next right thing for me to do, is to do the work and meet with him for direction. i see that today, i can stay where i am, stewing in my own stench, or i can move forward , confident in that IF i ask, i will get what it is i NEED, TODAY, RIGHT NOW. oops there i go again, back to immediate gratification, i guess that topic is still stuck in my head.
the problem is that one of my favorite character defects is this concern about looking good. oh i can walk through most days without acting on it, but when the SH!T hits the fan, it pops up and BOOM there i am again. my new behavior instead of going out and buying something, or the most polished, lashing out at someone else so i can feel better; is to withdraw from everyone who may sense something is going on. the appearance is i am acting normally, but what is going on in my head is the dance between what i NEED to say and feel and what i am actually feeling and want to say. not a whole lot of humility in that!
so what about today? well i am not feeling bad, i have several projects that will bring some bucks over the week. there will be a houseful of family here at the end of the week, and if i want to spend some time with them, i KNOW i will have to hum,p thew next two days to clear off my desk. so instead of sitting here whining about how much i have to do, i do believe i will go hit the pavement and get a workout in, before this day heats up much more. and oh yes, thanks for listening, i did need to dump a bit this morning.
where do i go for that kind of assistance? well i could share in meetings, that may happen later this evening after i meet with a sponsee. or i could talk to my sponsor about it. OH WAIT i have already done that and have a writing assignment, so the next right thing for me to do, is to do the work and meet with him for direction. i see that today, i can stay where i am, stewing in my own stench, or i can move forward , confident in that IF i ask, i will get what it is i NEED, TODAY, RIGHT NOW. oops there i go again, back to immediate gratification, i guess that topic is still stuck in my head.
the problem is that one of my favorite character defects is this concern about looking good. oh i can walk through most days without acting on it, but when the SH!T hits the fan, it pops up and BOOM there i am again. my new behavior instead of going out and buying something, or the most polished, lashing out at someone else so i can feel better; is to withdraw from everyone who may sense something is going on. the appearance is i am acting normally, but what is going on in my head is the dance between what i NEED to say and feel and what i am actually feeling and want to say. not a whole lot of humility in that!
so what about today? well i am not feeling bad, i have several projects that will bring some bucks over the week. there will be a houseful of family here at the end of the week, and if i want to spend some time with them, i KNOW i will have to hum,p thew next two days to clear off my desk. so instead of sitting here whining about how much i have to do, i do believe i will go hit the pavement and get a workout in, before this day heats up much more. and oh yes, thanks for listening, i did need to dump a bit this morning.
∞ DT ∞