if i need help, i will ask for it.
Posted: Sat, Jul 13, 2013 11:04:14 PM
i will put humility into action in my life.
this reading had a whole lot differnt meaning this morning than it does this evening. all of my plans of waking early pounding out some work, having coffeee and than hanging with my family, went out the window when i slept in. instead i just hung with my extended family and by now i am worn out. it was a great day, even though i did not do much, i still feel liek a whole lot happened. i got to be present for my family and i heard about stuff that i recognize well. good stuff like love and care. bad stuff like using and being owned by substances to the point, i was too humilaited to show my face to the members of my family who barely knew me. even though those days are past for me, i still feel regret, even for those times since getting clean, where i allowed my service commitments to trump my family. as i sit here this evening, the regret over that is almost overwhelming and as the idea of not being able to capture those days again finally takes hold, i know that what i do over the course of next few days, with regards to my service commitments and my relationships with those with whom i share my life, are about to take a whole new turn. those who were not present, i missed here today. some of them are never coming back, and i am not cetain at all that all my uncles will be present in a year. i am garteful taht i finally allowed myself the humility to reach out and do nothing but be with my family for a full day today. ia m finally getting the notion, that they love me and amazingly loved me even when i was not here. i wonder how my mom and dad answered their questions about me, back in the day, when i was not and could not be here for all sorts of reasons.
well my mom and dad, no longer need to choose their words about who i am and what i am doing as i am resolved tpo be a part and remain a part of my family, especially as the years go on and the generation before starts to decline even more.
not a happy thought but a realistic one.
anyhow it is time to call it a day, as i have to say goodbye to all of them in the morning and head on back to Colorado in the morning. it is a great day to be more of a family guy than i was yesterday and even though i am going home tomorrow, i can and will do my best to stay active in the relationships, even if it is only through the ovehyped applcaitions that are part of the modern, and oh so brave new world.
this reading had a whole lot differnt meaning this morning than it does this evening. all of my plans of waking early pounding out some work, having coffeee and than hanging with my family, went out the window when i slept in. instead i just hung with my extended family and by now i am worn out. it was a great day, even though i did not do much, i still feel liek a whole lot happened. i got to be present for my family and i heard about stuff that i recognize well. good stuff like love and care. bad stuff like using and being owned by substances to the point, i was too humilaited to show my face to the members of my family who barely knew me. even though those days are past for me, i still feel regret, even for those times since getting clean, where i allowed my service commitments to trump my family. as i sit here this evening, the regret over that is almost overwhelming and as the idea of not being able to capture those days again finally takes hold, i know that what i do over the course of next few days, with regards to my service commitments and my relationships with those with whom i share my life, are about to take a whole new turn. those who were not present, i missed here today. some of them are never coming back, and i am not cetain at all that all my uncles will be present in a year. i am garteful taht i finally allowed myself the humility to reach out and do nothing but be with my family for a full day today. ia m finally getting the notion, that they love me and amazingly loved me even when i was not here. i wonder how my mom and dad answered their questions about me, back in the day, when i was not and could not be here for all sorts of reasons.
well my mom and dad, no longer need to choose their words about who i am and what i am doing as i am resolved tpo be a part and remain a part of my family, especially as the years go on and the generation before starts to decline even more.
not a happy thought but a realistic one.
anyhow it is time to call it a day, as i have to say goodbye to all of them in the morning and head on back to Colorado in the morning. it is a great day to be more of a family guy than i was yesterday and even though i am going home tomorrow, i can and will do my best to stay active in the relationships, even if it is only through the ovehyped applcaitions that are part of the modern, and oh so brave new world.
∞ DT ∞