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i can almost always count on getting what i need from my peers in recovery, even if it feels like they are giving the **wrong** thing. their loving care is not always expressed in a manner that is what i expect and those expectations may cause issues to rear their ugly heads. case in point, i am looking tom fire my sponsor because he has not given me the loving care in the form of emotional support that i expected from him. the problem with that is, what he gave me was the ways and means to get out of my own head, let go of the outcome and move forward with my life, until further information has been given to me. what i thought was trivial advice and fretted and fumed about, was exactly what i needed. i have enough people in my life that are anxious about my “little friend” that sits on the crown of my scalp. he was the only one who expressed something different and even though i thought i needed more, i often get my wants and needs all mixed up.
bringing it back around to me and the manner in which i express my loving care, as suggested by my source material, i see the lesson in what i think the men i sponsor may need and what i want to give them. i have to admit, with some of those men, i am a fVcking hard-ass, with others a cuddly teddy bear with nasty point teeth. either way, when i let my head dictate what i give them, rather than my heart, i get it wrong ninety-nine percent of the time. this morning, as i sat, i saw the truth in the work i am doing with one of the men i sponsor. that truth is that the harder i push against the wall he has built out of his beliefs, the stronger and thicker it becomes. if i want to serve him, i have to let go of where i think he needs to be going and let him find that direction out from the comfortable place he believes he has built for himself.
after my home group this morning, i am scheduled to go for a walk in the heat with one of my friends and peers in recovery. i know that i will probably not have issues, as i will be taking the precautions i have been taught to take: sunscreen, a hat, light clothing and hydration. in the past he has never taken any of those precautions and i seriously doubt he will do so today. to show my loving care for him, i will offer sunscreen and drinks of my electrolyte water, as we stroll down the multi-use paths in Boulder. i cannot force him to care for himself, but i can offer a solution and leave the rest up to him. it is a good day to remember that just for today i can be a bit better at looking out for those in my life and practicing more than a little bit of loving care.

∞ DT ∞