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well after a very long day yesterday, i am having trouble getting motivated to get anything started. i am just pushing myself to get the things done i NEED to do today, and allowing it to happen at it's own pace. what in the world does that have to do with having my own unique gifts to give to others? well i am not quite sure yet, but like everything else this morning i will see where this goes.
back to yesterday. i had two service meetings, step work with a sponsee and a round trip to the western edge of the state, so the nineteen hours i was awake yesterday were full, to say the least. i guess one might say, i had a lot to give yesterday and as a consequence i am recharging my spiritual batteries today. what i do know, is the simmering anger and my overriding need to jump into the middle of a fracas has subsided, i did get to sleep until 7:30 this morning and i have done more than a few things today, and you know what, i am grateful for what this weekend has brought me. it is nice that all of a sudden i have a level of acceptance over a few things, and more than enough on my desktop to keep me occupied as this day goes forward. one of the the tests i have for my level of spiritual growth is how aggressive i drive. going out to Grand Junction yesterday, i was not very fit, and i do not know whether it was exhaustion or just the events of the days, but coming home last night i was able to go with the flow. something about seeing an addict get rid of the burden of his shortcomings may have been the gift that took me to that spot last night. it just may be that is also what is moving me this morning, as i feel like even though i have stuff to do, i need not get it all done right now, in fact i am starting to feel that as the tasks at hand get accomplished i will be able to move forward into a place where i can be even more serene today.
it is true that there is a bike race in my neighborhood that is sort of locking me in my home, it is true that i am running some tasks remotely that are like watching paint dry, it is true that i have the laundry and the dishes started. and it ids also true, that i am sitting here contemplating my place in this space-time continuum. all of that is way more than the Sunday mornings i had during the time i was in active addiction, and with that realization i see that the source of my gratitude this morning is not what i have accomplished in the past 36 hours, but how far i have come since the day i finally decided that staying clean was the path i NEEDED and WANTED to take.
so as this grateful addict moves on to his next task, calling another addict to see how he is doing, i will do my best to foster my growth and give away what i have been so freely given time and time again, THE DESIRE TO BE A BETTER PERSON, one day at a time.

∞ DT ∞