Blog entry for:

something special and perhaps make a difference in the lives of those around me, is certainly a lofty and noble goal for this morning. it is certainly better with getting away with something, because i keep my stuff on the down-low. when i got clean and first started this recovery gig, my daily goal was to reduce the damage i left in my wake. stepping up to serve the fellowship was not out of altruism. it was a reaction to my very low self-worth and self-esteem, as i believed, quite wrongly, that my value was based on the opinions of others. i find myself spinning down a similar rabbit hole as i approach ten thousand followers on Twitter. all of a sudden my self-esteem is based on the number of interactions i have with that community and i find myself craving more and more. what i uncovered last night as i sat and listened to my daily inventory is that the number of interactions i have is irrelevant to my worth and if i change the mind of just one person or brighten the day their day, then i have certainly had a good day on the platform.
after three nights of being a political creature, i am ready to get back to my life, albeit with a new desire to carry a message of HOPE for the future and the dismantling of the whole MAGAt movement. as i listened to those speakers, many making grand promises, what came across far stronger was a vision of tomorrow that includes HOPE. they have been a little too religious for my taste, but they were not pushy about their FAITH. as a registered independent voter, for me the choice is clear and i will leave that research to those who read this on Twitter, as i certainly do not hide my inclinations.
coming back into my recovery life, i can see how politics affect me and my serenity and in the long run, i may end up being fired by a sponsee over our political differences. i have FAITH in science and the scientific method. i have run my recovery as one huge experiment since the day i got clean. i try out new ideas and theories and pith those that do not work. i am certainly glad that no one suggested that i attempt and experiment in “controlled using,” as i may have not made it back into recovery again. it is as i have often said, i know i have at least one more use in me, i do not know if i have another recovery, so the easier softer way is to stay clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞