Blog entry for:

something special. this reading always reminds me of the movie The Jerk and the line about finding his special purpose. once upon a time, i searched high and low for what that purpose may be, with an obsession not that much unlike active addiction. it took me a long time to realize that i could be okay and recover without “knowing” what that exact purpose may be. self-acceptance was the key to that realization. once i got over the fact that i could make a contribution, without ever knowing what that contribution may be, i was relieved of the burden of seeking that knowledge. for me, as i grow more confident with who i am, i GET to let go of my obsession of what i am contributing.
what i heard this morning, as i finally get back into my normal routine, was that whatever happens today, such as the “issues” that are inherent in moving a web application from one data center to another. i had an excellent day yesterday, even though one of my team members seems to have no clue about what me being off means. somehow they feel that they are entitled to reach out to me, no matter what i happen to be doing. ye i was pissed off, and did my best to not be snarky and say WTF and do you not have any clue about respecting my time off? as i get “weller” i guess i can be diplomatic about setting a boundary. the “snark” worked yesterday, but the fact that it was snarkiness and not assertiveness that was tool and not the direction i want to be going.
so work is consuming far too much of my attention, so i will close on this note: it is a good day to be clean, even though i am humping and pumping at chasing down new ghosts in the machines.

∞ DT ∞