Blog entry for:

HOWEVER, every now and again, like almost every day, i want to take it all for granted and live on the grace of the accomplishments of yesterday. just like every human being that walks this planet, there are times when i want to take the easier, softer route. i want to and do slack in maintaining my life, much less my recovery. although i really detest automobile metaphors, especially ones that compare a mechanical thing, to a living part of my human character, i understand how useful they can be in illustrating a point, and need not comment anymore on that this morning.
so i am frustrated this morning about the project that will not end. i took on a new client and their demands and sliding requirements are starting to cost me more than they are worth. i will work over the punch-list this morning and draw a line in the sand, no more new features without more compensation PERIOD! i do however, need to send back an e-mail and apologize for my tone last night and this morning, i am more than certain i let my frustration show and that is never a good thing when you rely on word of mouth advertising.
another frustration is getting something from another addict, who is MIA, due to whatever reasons. i love how this addict claims ownership of a meeting, and yet has not been there for over three weeks. all of this and much much more is boiling up inside of me, and perhaps it is to use the metaphor of the reading time to flush my radiator, and see if my cooling system can be restored. my level of serenity would be like a temperature gauge, the higher my temp, the less serenity i have, and the more i need to look for the causes of my underlying distress. lack of serenity, at this point in my recovery, is a symptom of something else. for me, it happens to be living in the insanity of unmet expectations. no one ever promised me a rose garden, but dang it, why can't the rest of the world at least give an inch, i promise i will not take a mile.
i do see what the problem is, i do know the answer, move forward with my writing assignment, call my sponsor and move into the next phase of this marvelous journey called recovery. learn to be grateful, in the here and now,m for what i have, and the biggest thing i have, NO DESIRE TO USE.
i can continue living in the insanity, as familiar as it is, or i can DARE to allow the process to happen, just the way it has always worked for me, do the work in front of me and let go of my expectations. life is too short to run around just below boiling over, and the stress and strain of living in such a state is not the gift i desire this morning. i will move into today with a different attitude and go pound out some frustrations.
¡it is after all, a great day to be clean!

∞ DT ∞